Full Metal Lunchbox

 
Good morning everybody!  

I started working on this blog post Monday morning but never had a chance to finish it. Yesterday was horribly busy at work, and the fun actually started very, very early.  Sunday night, just as I was drifting into comfy sleepy land, I got a call from a co-worker saying that she needed my help.  So, not really rested from my Wisconsin beer adventure, I jumped into my pants and into a cab and made a midnight appearance at the coldest, ugliest building on earth.  This sort of thing only happens when I least expect it.  But I knew I was in for adventure when I first put on the uniform (jeans and a t-shirt).

But this blog post isn't about the absurd universe that is my carear (muffled laughter).  That's a tale for another day.

Now let me tell you about my weekend.



Jay and I set off for Wisconsin behind schedule on Saturday.  We had a big agenda and lots of beer to drink.  But we still had enough time to stop on the way at Quaker Steak & Lube, which in spite of its cheesy name serves the very best spicy chicken wings in all of south central Wisconsin.  Jay ordered the spicy cajun wings, which he was nice enough to share.







Our first destination was Lake Louie, Wisconsin's most notoriously difficult-to-find microbrewery.  This tiny operation certainly isn't setup with busloads of tourists in mind, and is located down an unmarked dirt road in the little town of Arena.

Brewmaster Tom Porter and his wife DeAnn started Lake Louie as a very tiny operation and are still very small time.  Their product, though excellent, can be notoriously difficult to find even in Wisconsin.

When we reached the brewery building we opened the door and found... no one.  The door was unlocked an nobody was inside.  Jay joked that we should just let ourselves in and show ourselves around.









We had arrived too late to meet Tom Porter, who had left for Madison and normally conducts tours in person earlier in the day.  But we lucked out when DeAnn emerged from her house (just across the gravel driveway!) and offered to show us around.  Like her husband, DeAnn is is an engineer and she played a big role in setting up the brewery.  Although she modestly appologised to us for the quality of her tour, it was apparent that she understood every part of the production process and knew what she was talking about.  (And she was not the least bit put off that two obnoxious big city tourists just showed up in the middle of her Saturday afternoon.)





DeAnn wasn't able to get the taps working, but was nice enough to pull some bottles out of the cooler for us to sample.  This proved to be a special treat, as we were given the opportunity to sample the Reserve Scotch Ale.  This very rare beer had previously sold out in only four days and is not available anywhere!  What an incredible treat it was to sample this amazing brew with DeAnn Porter and also Tom's brother Gary, who dropped by while we were there.  DeAnn even gave us each a bottle to take with us.  Now I possess a bottle of Wisconsin's rarest beer and am almost afraid to drink it.  Almost.




Oh my God, what an amazing place!  While Tom and DeAnn deserve all the success, I hope they never grow so big that they lose the magic and turn into something like Goose Island.  (You know what I mean Jay!)






After checking in to our fabulous roadside motel, Jay and I drove into Madison for our next beer stop: Riley's Wines of the World.

Why travel all the way to Wisconsin just to visit a liquor store?  Because strange laws, arcane distribution arrangements, and poor economy of scale make it so a lot of great Wisconsin brew is not available anywhere near Chicago.  And it also provided me an opportunity to purcahse some of my favorite cherry wine.






Jay in particular appreciated being able to purchase beer he doesn't get to see every day, and for him this seemingly routine shopping stop was one of the most important elements of our visit to Wisconsin.






I was at first surprised that Jay was even buying beer at all, given the massive quantities of beer he already has at home.  But by the next day I wouldn't be shaking my head at Jay anymore, becuase in the end I would buy way more than Jay!  (More on that in a minute.)

While at Riley's I snapped up a couple of four packs of New Glarus Unplugged Enigma (2006).  As I've said previously, this very special 2006 limited edition is my favorite beer ever, EVER.  So, even though we were already planning on a visit to New Glarus on Sunday, I wasn't going to take any chances; I purchased two four packs.

We then drove back to our motel for some rest time... and to drink some of our new purchases.  I think I fell asleep at some point with bad cable TV on while Jay was outside smoking cigars.









Around 8:00PM Jay and I finaly ventured out, jumping into a cab and heading downtown to capital square for a night on the town.

What happened next could be described in one of three ways, depending on who you ask:

   1.  It was the cab driver's fault
   2.  It was Jay's fault
   3.  It was just meant to be

It all started when Jay engaged the hippie cab driver and asked him where we should go downtown for a good bite to eat.  The driver didn't hesitate to suggest Great Dane, and at this suggestion Jay seemed uncomfortable.  You see, Jay knew about Great Dane from its reputation as being one of the largest brewpubs in the United States.  He had been silently hoping we would avoid this place altogether, for fear he would drink every beer they have.  And that, of course, is exactly what would happen.  (I'm getting ahead of myself.)

It turns out Great Dane is a popular family destination, with lots of children wearing uncomfortable sweaters and a 45+ minute wait for a table in the dining room.  So, as inevitably always happens, Jay and I sit at the bar.  [Cue ominous music]  The bartender comes over and Jay asks for a sampler.  The bartender asks what beers we would like to sample and Jay replies, "All of them."

!

"No, Jay!  Are you crazy?!!  They brew 17 different beers here!"

But Jay was unswayed by my pleas, and moments later we were presented with a wooden tray holding 17 full sampler glasses.

Each glass held four ounces of beer.  Now bear in mind that this is not the same as drinking 17x4oz of Budweiser.  All but one of these beers was significantly alcoholic, and the fact that each was different from one another meant they would be especially potent in combination.  We were in for quite a ride!

Desperate to protect myself from what would surely be a horrible shock to my stomach, I ordered the most disgusting hamburger I've ever seen (which I suppose probably just made things worse).  Consider, if you will, the Great Dane "Bratwurst Bacon Cheddar Pretzel Burger:"



*  1/3 lb burger patty
*  1/4 lb bratwurst patty(!)
*  lots of bacon
*  very thick slice of melted Wisconsin cheddar(tm)
*  thick, salty pretzel bun






Now, I wouldn't say this was a bad combination of ingredients so much as it was a counterweight to any health benefits I may have inadvertantly gained from running.  Yum!

It was not easy making our way through all the beer in front of us.  Some, like the Barristers' Brown Ale, was easy to drink.  Others, like the barleywine, felt like shots of tequila.

(By the way, who really drinks barleywine anyway?  Does anyone really need to get drunk on beer that badly?  The stuff should be outlawed, I tells ya!)

Stumbling out of Great Dane at last, we made our way to The Local Tavern.  This was not our ultimate destination, and we shouldn't have even gone in there.  But we had our minds set on it because earlier in the day DeAnn told us that this was a bar in Madison where we could get Lake Louie served on draft.  Of course, once we clumsily sat upon our bar stools at this non-descript yuppie bar the last thing on our minds was drinking Lake Louie; we had had too much beer already.  So, ironic given my arguments with Jay about Goose Island and the fact that we had specifically come to Wisconsin to drink local beer, I ordered a glass of Goose Island -- I don't even remember which one!  The bar was uncrowded and we were already quite drunk, so we settled in to nurse our beers and watch the third quarter of the Seahawks-Cowboys game.  Seeing the Seahawks lose (so we thought) and seeing the evening slip away from us, we left our beer (and the game) unfinished as we shuffled off down the road.

Our final destination--and in fact our main reason for visiting Madison in the first place--was Maduro.

I cannot say enough things about this amazing place, and is certainly one of the top 5 bars I have ever been to in my life.  Consider..

*  a cigar bar that is not too smoky
*  a traditional atmosphere that does not seem stuffy
*  not fake or pretentious--unlike similar places in Chicago
*  chill dub music playing softly in the background
*  comfortable leather sofas
*  cigars for sale at decent prices
*  friendly, knowledgeable bartender

The appeal of Maduro for me was the best grappa selection I have ever seen in the United States.  Most people don't like grappa; some describe it as tasting like motor oil.  But I love the stuff, and was excited to taste whatever the bartender recommended.  She got up on a very tall ladder and pulled something off the top shelf that ended up being way too advanced for my modest pallate.  So I ended up ordering a glass of Marolo, which I combined with one of Jay's Rocky Patel cigars.





Perfect synergy!






It was finaly time to go home when I could no longer sit upright on the leather sofa.  A few of other patrons laughed at me for not finishing my cigar, but it didn't matter.  I had had my fun.

The next morning I woke up early.  This was not because I wasn't hungover and not becuase I didn't need the sleep, but because my wonderful job (which I'm really not going to talk about) has trained my body to wake up early 7 days a week.  Finaly tired of staring at the ceiling and listening to Jay snore, I put on my running clothes and attempted to jog to Lake Monona and back.  Ha!  Yeah, right.

Distance:  1.5 miles
Time:  16 minutes
Temperature:  29°F

I had my good shoes, my best cold weather running pants, and my hooded "Pug Life" sweatshirt.  But of course I forgot my gloves.  And I'm just not all that good in cold weather.  So I never made it all the way to the lake.  But at least I got my circulation going for a short while and also worked off a portion of the previous night's food and alcohol.

A couple of hours later we were on the road and on our way to New Glarus.

Our original plan had been to stay the night in New Glarus, but after Dana had to cancel due to work we changed our plans to stay the night in Madison and visit New Glarus on Sunday.  The good news was that Dana was able to finish his work and join us in New Glarus, where he found us at the Sportsman's Bar & Grill playing pool and talking about..what else?..football.  I tell you, nothing bring people together like good pizza w/ real cheese and hating the New England Patriots.  (It was at the Sportman's Bar that we finaly found out that the Seahawks had beaten the Cowboys and that we had missed an amazing fourth quarter of football the previous night dammit!)

The New Glarus brewery itself was either fun or just OK, depending on how you look at it.  Dana and I enjoyed the self-guided tour through the brewery, but we (especially Jay) felt let down that there wasn't a tap room on premesis.

Fortunatley they had a good gift shop.







  Dana on the self-guided tour

New Glarus is definitely a lot bigger than Lake Louie!

  This copper brewkettle was rescued from the scrap pile in Germany

  I enjoyed walking around with nobody there!

While Jay complained to the gift shop clerk about the lack of a tap room and Dana browsed the souveniers, I noticed off in the corner.... Enigma!!

So I grabbed an entire case and put it up on the counter.  Suddenly, all conversation stopped and everyone just looked at me.  Even Jay was astounded that I was purchasing this much.  But what can I say?  I love the stuff.

At this point you're probably thinking, OK, that's all the beer they are going to see this weekend.  Well, not quite.  Jay, still dissappointd at the lack of a tap room at New Glarus, suggested that we visit one more brewery: Tyranena.

Located east of Madison on the way to Milwaukee, Tyranena is a cool microbrewery that I had never heard of.  They weren't conducting tours on Sunday, but fortunately for us they did have a nice tap room where got to hang out, drink beer, and watch..what else?..more football.

Jay ordered another sampler tray, which Dana and I also shared.  But I have to admit that by this point I was so sick of beer that I didn't even order a glass of my own.  Instead I enjoyed the Tyranena root beer.  The stuff is made on premesis and is actually quite good.  Mostly it was nice to just hang out with my buddies before returning home.  A perfect end to a fun weekend.