Full Metal Lunchbox

 
Well, I didn't chicken out.  And the weather was nice (40°F sunny).  And I was psyched.  But I still failed to complete the Tecumseh Trail Marathon.  Here's my race report:

pre-start:  Shea and I ride the school bus to the starting line pumped full of enthusiasm and carbohydrates, talking excitedly about our 2007 race calendars.  We're so awesomely cool and ready for anything.  (The preceding sentence is an example of foreshadowing.)

Mile 0-2:  After a delayed start, Shea and I head into the forest amidst hundreds of crazy trail runners--many of whom are wearing shorts and funny outfits dispite the cold.  At this point it was fun to jump over branches, splash through puddles, and skid through mud.  But this mood would change.

Mile 2:  "You go ahead, Shea, I'll be right behind you."  (yeah, right)

Mile 3:  The mud gets thick, the trail narrow, and the terrain hilly--and it stays that way for most of the rest of the way.  My undertraining since the Chicago Marathon becomes evident as I increasingly spend more time walking than running.  Gradually I am passed by everyone else in the race, including the little old ladies at the end.  But the final humiliation came when Adam the course sweeper caught up with me, walking a brisk 16:00/mile pace.  Adam's job was to point out to anyone slower than him that they were in danger of disqualification - that meant me.  There would be no stopping now, except for occasional water and snacks.

Miles 3-12:  Lots and lots of mud!  I had to use muscles I didn't know I had to deal with the gloopy, hilly terrain.  Running became impossible and all I could do was try to keep up with Adam's fast hiking pace.  No time to admire the scenery.  All of my concentration was focused on avoiding hazards and spending as little time as possible in the water.

Miles 12-16:  Flooding forced the course to re-route onto local roads.  Suddenly the danger wasn't from nature but rather oncoming traffic!  Finaly, this flat fast terrain was to give me an opportunity to pick up the pace and run to make up for lost time.  Unfortunately, my hip flexors were already shot from the muddy hills and all I could manage was a painful shuffle.

Mile 16:  Fuck this shit.  Not worth it.  DNF at the mile 16 water stop, where I eventually got a lift to the finish line from sympathetic locals.

Distance: 16 miles
Clock Time: 4:29

Shea also had a rough time, but unlike me he was strong enough to finish.  In fact, he managed it in under 6 hours!  Way to go, Shea!!!

Everyone who managed to finish looked pretty horrible by the time they came through the chute, so I can at least take comfort in the fact that I dropped out of a tough race.

Overall, I have to give very high marks to the Tecumseh Trail Marathon.  The volunteers are the nicest and most dedicated I have ever seen - I could tell they all were thrilled to be there.  So I will definitely return to Indiana to try again, but not until I spend at least 300 hours in the gym working on some neglected muscle groups.

Meanwhile, now that my last race of the year is over, and spring training is a few months away, it's time for me to begin my winter diet.  I don't have much weight to lose (perhaps 10 pounds) but I do need to firm my flab and get my dietary habits under control.  My goal is to be a lean machine in time for the 2007 Shamrock Shuffle.



Attention Chicago-area runners: Mark your calendar for Josh's 2007 Shamrock Shuffle After-Party, featuring beer that is way better than what they serve at the race and also the famous Full Metal Lunchbox VitaminWater Cocktails!  Special guest: Gumballhead the Cat.