Full Metal Lunchbox

Moved: Forwarding Address

2012-01-15T22:22:00.000-06:00

Does anyone still subscribe to this blog that I haven't updated in many years?

If so, you can now find me at my new website: http://pugpaw.com

And my new blog: http://pugpaw.com/goosfraba

See you there!

Full Metal Lunchbox

2007-08-02T21:05:00.001-05:00

I'm going to bring this blog to a close now. A month or two earlier than planned, but it seems like the right time to move on to new endeavors.

How do you like them apples?

Here's what I've learned over the past 2 1/2 years:

Goofing off at work can indeed advance your career, provided you pretend to know what you're talking about (and it's safer than networking through cigarette breaks).
It's possible to lose 27 pounds and keep it off for a long time. And then gain it back just for the hell of it.
Even the lazy can train to run a marathon. But beating Oprah requires avoiding injury. Ice and stretching help.
Invited to a wedding on the day of the big race? It's their fault.
Too many college guys out there trying to look like Johnny Knoxville.
Too many people desperately want to hack their Motorola e815 cellphone and have too much time on their hands. I was one of those people, but at least I could follow simple instructions.
Pugs don't like Radiohead. They are a dog breed that bores easily.
Denise restored my faith that you can meet amazing people on the Internet. Then she helped me lose and then gain back that faith again.
Under Jay's influence I've bought entirely too much beer.
Under Shea's influence I've run through too much potential injury.
Wouldn't have it any other way.
George W Bush is a warmongering cocksucker, but you've got to admit he runs a mighty fast marathon.
I'm bored with blogging, but I have to admit that it has made my life seem a lot less boring.

There's a lot more that I want to say, but can't. That's kinda the point.

I thought that for my last post I'd do something big and amazing, like a retrospective or something. But I'd rather just crawl into bed next to the air conditioner and read my funny paper.

Thanks to everyone who has stopped by to read (and comment on) what I've written. Your support through my various misadventures has been much appreciated.

A very small number of you have by now received your invitations to share in my next endeavor. As for the rest of you, sorry but this is where you get off.

Thought I Had Seen It All

2007-07-25T18:25:00.001-05:00

After three decades riding the CTA (many of those years during very odd hours) I thought I had seen it all.

But the strangest was yet to come...

Check out the naked dudes between cars on the Red Line that I saw on my way to work yesterday! They stood between cars, shirtless, wearing only shorts, singing merrily (and shivering) the entire trip downtown.

I took this photo when I got off the train at Lake Street at 4:30AM. They were surprised to see me take this photo--like what they were doing was completely normal.

I love this town.

All Good Things..

2007-07-20T14:35:00.000-05:00

Before I make my announcement, a couple of quick updates:

I'm back on running again, after a week off to allow my various lower left tendons to heal. The tendons are completely better now (though I still have a sore ankle) but getting back into running is difficult, and it was tough to even run two miles last night. It's amazing how much you lose after a week off.
Sorry to those of you still waiting for my post about the Wisconsin Beer Roadtrip II. I've been too busy to write it.

And that sort of brings me to my announcement..

After more than 300 posts going back 2 1/2 years, I've decided to retire this blog, Full Metal Lunchbox.

A few months ago a good friend of mine (I can't say whom, but hint: she's the one who first suggested I start a blog) told me that she stopped posting to her blog because she "got bored of it." I didn't understand at first, but I think I get it now.

Yeah, I'm bored with this, and ready to move on to something else.

And recent events in my life have shown me in stark relief just how incredibly artificial the blogging world is. For me, the question is relevant: why broadcast to strangers when I should be connecting to real people around me?

(I can think of a few bloggers who are shaking their heads at that last paragraph. Hey, if it works for you, more power to ya.)

And finally, there are a few regular readers who should have no part of my life whatsoever. You know who you are. (Don't think I don't see you, just because you've never left a comment.)

This photo isn't supposed to represent anyone in particular, but I just had to include it.

So, that's that.

I don't have a date for my final post, but it will likely be sometime between the Chicago Marathon and the end of the year. Or it could be sooner.

A very small number of you will receive invitations to keep up with my goings on via a private blog. To the rest of you, in case I forget to say later, thanks for participating.

Please feel free to call or e-mail me anytime. All of you (with very limited exception) are welcome to be a part of my life.

Time off from Running and Blog Posting

2007-07-16T14:47:00.000-05:00

I've been taking a few days off from both running and blog posting. Nothing wrong, just need a short break.

I'll try to post something later this week, including perhaps photos from the big Wisconsin Beer Roadtrip II.

In the meantime, if you are looking for online reading material, check out some of the many fine blogs linked to in my left margin. Many of them are about running and a few of them even mention drinking and computers.

Today I'm decompressing. Thanks for stopping by.

DNS, Oh my tendon

2007-07-12T21:41:00.000-05:00

My ankle, never fully recovered since GMR, is still acting up and for the past few days I've experienced problems with the tendons connected to my hamstrings. Given the risk of further injury later in the training season, I've decided to hedge my bets and lay off running for a few days.

Unfortunately, that means I was DNS for tonight's Niketown Bastille Day 5K -- a race I had been waiting for since last year when I was also DNS (that time because Justyna forgot her shoes and borrowed mine).

It also means I wont get to run Lake Monona this weekend with Shea

But that's probably OK, since I'll likely be in no shape due to the big Wisconsin Beer Roadtrip. Details on my coming adventures driving a dozen of my friends to the cheese state for all kinds of mayhem will be posted here after the weekend.

Tomorrow I have the day off, and I head off on my big van adventure on Saturday morning.

Lord have mercy on us all.

Boring Saturday Blog Post

2007-07-07T12:17:00.001-05:00

This will be boring post. Every now and then I have to do this, lest you think my life is all about running, drinking, and having fun. Well that's certainly not the case.

Last night (hold the excitement campers) I worked from home on a systems migration from 11:30PM to 3:00AM. I did thrilling UNIX chores like "stopping the cron job," and "restarting the load manager." When it was all over I faced the dilema about whether or not to go to bed and get up again at 4:30AM to go on my 12 mile long run. I really wanted to go, but I felt the sniffles from my still lingering cold from last week.

So I chose to be lazy.

Sleeping in with Denise under the big air conditioner was pure heaven. But eventually I felt guilty and went to the gym (first time in two months!) for a long, slow workout.

aerobic: 25 minutes of hill repeats and speed intervals on the treadmill
upper body: chest and shoulder presses, curls, reverse curls
mid-body: crunches baby crunches!
lower body: lunges (20 pound dumbells)

I've been exchanging text messages with Denise's sister, who inexplicably is driving in from Minnesota for the weekend. She's stuck in traffic, which wouldn't have happened if she were to have bought a plane ticket. The plan is to meetup for lunch at the Red Apple, but I have a feeling will morph into a late-afternoon snack.

For dinner, I'm considering celebrating 7/7/7 by taking Denise to--where else--777. That is, if every other superstitious yahoo in town doesn't have the same idea.

Tomorrow we're going to the Sox-Twins game, which promises to be the most boring highlight of my weekend. Neither team really knows how to catch a baseball. I expect it will be like going to some kid's t-ball game, but without the amusing homicidal parents.

I might even attempt to makeup my 12 miler tomorrow morning. But that would run the risk of making this weekend too interesting. And we can't have that, now can we?!

11 Miles Tough to Swallow

2007-06-30T19:32:00.000-05:00

This past week my ankle has finally been well enough to complete more of my mid-week runs, and the extra effort paid off:

Today was the easiest long run I've had so far this year.

Warmup

Long Run

Cool Down

I actually considered running an extra 2 miles but decided not to risk it.

Almost everything was perfect. The pace felt comfortable, and no one in my sub-group of six had any issues at all today. The path was crowded with other running groups, but this was actually a good thing because everyone was friendly and happy to be outside. I even bumped in to Jayhawk in the middle of her solo 12 miler.

The only thing that went wrong was some poor fueling decisions. Here's what happened:

Last night I had pad thai for dinner.

Unfortunately, I had too much and went to bed full.

I woke up at 5AM in the morning still full from the night before, so I didn't eat breakfast.

All I had was half a red bean bun before heading out for my warmup.

My only fuel was shot blocks, which I ate while running.

This caused acid reflux.

Now my throat feels like it's been scraped with sandpaper. I had to skip lunch today because it hurts to swallow.

Next time I'll make sure I have breakfast first.

But otherwise, it was a good run today.

Next weekend: 14 miles -- an important distance for me, since that's the one that knocked me out of commission last year.

See you out on the running path, everybody!

--
UPDATE: My roughened throat from Saturday left me vulnerable to a nasty cold, so I'm likely off the running for another couple of days. I will never again skip a meal before a long run.

Happiness is Mexican Corn

2007-06-28T14:45:00.000-05:00

Weekend Hangover Update

2007-06-24T19:16:00.001-05:00

First, a word of clarification. Many of you have commented that my blog gives the appearance that I am frequently intoxicated. I assure you that this is not the case; I drink a lot less than many people I know. But it seems that I only get around to posting to this blog immediately after a drunken episode. And today is no exception.

But first, I'll backup and update you on my running, which my readership probably cares about more than my perceived drinking problems. I've been skipping my mid-week runs these past two weeks due to some weird kind of ankle injury, though I'm feeling a lot better these days.

I was able to participate in my CARA long run yesterday (6:00AM Lincoln Park group, 9:30 pace, intermediate) though my not having run during the past two mid-weeks showed in my trouble keeping up with the group.

I started out with a warmup that turned into more of a fast jog than I would have liked, since I was running late (so to speak).

Then it was time for the long run, which fortunately this week was "stepback." I managed to keep up with my group for exactly 4.75 miles before becoming dehydrated and lethargic. After falling back for an unscheduled water and stretch stop, I took the nature trail back on my own for the final mile and a quarter.

The good news is that I did my distance at nearly the speed intended, and my ankle barely hurts at all. So this week I'll be able to keep up my mid-weeks in anticipation of the 11 miler coming up next Saturday.

As for my drinking, here's what's going on.

1) Denise and I missed the Pride parade today because we were too hungover from last night drinking with our recently married friends Jim & Kelly. Jim, an accomplished sportswriter in training, had no problem keeping up with me with the Cuervo 1800. And from what I hear he ended up in worse shape than I was this morning.

So, instead of meeting up with Jason and Leah and 500,000 other people in Boystown, Denise and I slept in until like 2:00PM and then hung out at Coffee Chicago. We looked pathetic, but felt well-rested.

2) My Wednesday night running speed work training will have to be delayed by a week because my employer is taking us out to a Cubs game. My colleagues and I are planning to get as drunk and obnoxious as possible and blame it all on the UNIX.

3) Next month I'm leading a group of 14 to Wisconsin for the Second Annual Alcoholics Reunion Wisconsin Beer Roadtrip(tm). More on that in a few weeks.

No, I don't have a problem. Thanks for caring.

See you out on the running path. Or on the floor. Or both.

Great Midwest Relay

2007-06-10T09:20:00.000-05:00

Good morning everybody. After my first real sleep in 36 hours I'm ready to write my race report. It's a bit intimidating writing about a 190 mile relay race; there was just so much to this, and it's overwhelming. So I'll just write about my little part of this before Denise and I venture out to improve our sunburns.

(Apologies in advance for the crudity of the maps in this post. I can't get my Garmin-to-Google Earth converter to work today. Damned pirate technology.)

First, some introduction. The Great Midwest Relay is a 190 mile relay race from Madison to Chicago. With the exception of a few ultra bands, the race was run in teams of 12. My gang was Dude, Where's My Van?.

Here they are:

Running Jayhawk, Team Captain

Dice

e-Speed

Ryan

Mouse

Jason

Leah

Taylor

Lisa

Out of Shape Guy

Sorry, Mike, this is the only picture of you that I have. But it illustrates just how tired we all were when this event was only halway done!

Dawn

(This is only a file photo. How I managed to not take any pictures of someone with whom I spent nearly every minute for 32 hours with is a GMR mystery.

It all began with a party at Barb & Mike's, most of which Barb & Mike were not present for while they navigated the labrynth of Hertz Wait-in-Line.

Barb & Mike kiss goodbye before each driving a van to Madison. After the night in the hotel, the alternating van nature of the relay would make it so this couple wouldn't get to see each other for more than a few minutes at a time over the next day and a half.

I was the lead-off man, running in the first position. It was cool starting out in Madison, and everyone on the team came out to watch me kick things off.

Having not properly warmed up or even ran at all for the past couple of days, I decided to run my first race leg conservatively, keeping a steady pace and walking when needed. The view around Lake Menona was invigorating and the morning breeze off the lake woke me up quickly. I ended up meeting my 9:30/mile pace goal without really trying, and that put me in a good mood for the rest of the day.

Here team members from both of our vans relax together while waiting for Dawn to finish her first leg. After that, it was all van 2 for awhile while van 1 went to get a nice pasta lunch.

Dice and Mouse were happy to find free public wi-fi at the second van transfer point, where we all hung out between rounds 1 and 2.

I enjoyed reading "Shalimar the Clown" by Salman Rushdie under a shady tree before it was time to warm up for my second round.

My second round was on an isolated, limited-entry bike path located roughly southwest of Waukesha, ending at the Milwaukee county line. This time I brought music ("Dance Department" by Paul Van Dyk) and allowed myself to get fully into the experience.

Overcome with emotion for no particular reason, I ran the fastest time of my entire life. I was almost completely out of control by the time I reached the exit of the bike path, yelling at a lady walking her dog to get out of my way and perhaps scaring our next runner, Jason. It felt good for once to really give it everything I had.

Our next van transfer point was at a church outside Racine at 3:30 in the morning, where Barb and Mike shared a quick hug under a blanket in the cold. Van 1 had been allowed a few hours to nap in the church on the floor of a classroom, but I couldn't sleep. So when the messages came in rapid-fire that it was time for me to get ready for my final leg I was in a particularly foul mood. Mike doesn't remember me yelling at him, which is good. Somewhere along the line I lost my favorite pillow.

Generally disoriented and running almost completely in the dark, I decided to take it easy and made no attempt to meet my speed goals. It was a good fun run, and I don't regret slowing down. Seeing Lake Michigan in the middle of the night was the most surreal running experience I've had so far.

I finished just as the sun was starting to come up over the lake. I felt lucky to be done, but not as lucky as Jason, who after two tough runs earned the privilege of an incredible sunrise leg along the lakefront.

After watching Dawnie complete a grueling 7 miler, van 1 was done for the day. Time for breakfast--our first real meal since lunch the previous day! (I had an omelet with five kinds of meat.)

After reaching Montrose Harbor, van 1 had some time to kill before the arrival of van2 and the finish of our anchor runner Elizabeth. We drank beer and hung out while watching some of our favorite teams finish, such as the pirate team and the seemingly unlimited number of teams from Texas.

I was concerned that van 2 wouldn't be able to navigate Evanston and Chicago traffic, and park in the crowded park before the finish, but they made it just in time. And e-Speed bought us a couple of extra minutes by getting lost a mile from the finish line. In the end we all finished together with smiles on our faces and sunburns on our various parts.

I was feeling ready to go home by the time Captain Barbara presented me with my finisher's medal.

Fortunately for me, home was just a few blocks away.

Heartfelt thanks to the team of "Dude, Where's My Van?" for inviting me along and encouraging me to do my best, and especially to my crew in van 1 for being so laid back and funny.

And thanks again, Barb, for putting this together. Sorry I couldn't make it out for karaoke.

As Mike would say, "Jesus, take the wheel."

About to start final leg

2007-06-09T03:31:00.001-05:00

3:30am

2 Down 1 To Go

2007-06-08T19:05:00.000-05:00

4.84 miles in 41:44 (8:37/mile pace). Ow, fuck, my ankle's shot. Slammed face first into the porta potty at the handoff. But good run.

Afternoon Update

2007-06-08T14:11:00.000-05:00

Van #1 is done with our first set of legs and have handed off to van 2. Everyone has met their goals; now it's lunchtime. I kick off round 2 of 3 tonight.

Kicking Ass

2007-06-08T10:47:00.000-05:00

Jason hands off to Leah. Serious rubber burning on the uphill!

1 down!

2007-06-08T09:59:00.000-05:00

First leg down! 5 miles @ 46:54 (9:24/mile). Now in van #1 on way to x-fer point to meet our second runner: Jason. Mike sez "Jesus take the wheel!"

Dude, where's my van?

2007-06-06T18:24:00.000-05:00

Just a quick update. I'm back from the chiropractor's office, where my legs were taped up more than... well, whatever gets taped up a lot. Legs feel great as long as I don't have to bend over or kneel.

Tomorrow I'll be piling into the van with the proud team of Dude, Where's My Van? (along with Dawnie, e-Speed, Lisa, Running Jayhawk, Leah, Mouse, Ryan, and the Out of Shape Guy) for the Great Midwest Relay. It will be 190 miles from Madison to Milwaukee to Chicago (finishing two blocks from my house!), of which my part will be around 15 miles. I'm on a good team and I feel much better prepared than I was for River to River last month, so it should be a fun adventure.

I'll attempt to post at least a couple of updates from the road. Or maybe I'll just keep it to myself. Either way, I plan on consuming a lot of beer when it's over.

Actually, I might just start on that tonight.

United Run for the Zoo 5K

2007-06-03T10:31:00.000-05:00

Ran my first official competitive 5K this morning. (Lou Pinella got canceled and I was DNS at Minneapolis Police. My time to beat this morning was based on unofficial competitive splits.) Anyway, a 5K is a short race, so this report will be brief.

Thoughts During Race:

This sucks.
What the hell?
I don't want to be a runner anymore.

Thoughts After Race: Holy shit, I just took four minutes off my PR!

Official Time: 25:17

My previous PR had been 29:12. This was my first good race this year. My losing streak is finally over.

Now it's time to take my supportive girlfriend out for some dim sum and bloody marys.

Next event: Great Midwest Relay

Please Tip Your Food Delivery Driver

2007-06-02T16:30:00.000-05:00

In Chicago we have a dumb but popular local radio station by the name of B96. They play crap like Usher and Timberlake and the occasional Fergie. I don't normally tune in, but when someone else has it on nearby I'll typically find myself bobbing my head and singing along. Can't help myself.

Today I was in the car with someone who had B96 on the radio. The station just finished playing some sort of R&B ballad (Nelly?) when the DJ's came on the air with a humorous anecdote, ending with advice to listeners to not tip food delivery drivers because the delivery company includes a "service charge."

Folks, your typical pizza delivery guy and other service people don't make much per hour. I've done that work, and it's amazing how incredibly uncharitable people can be over a lousy $2 tip. (The "service charge," by the way, is not a tip.)

So, I implore all of you:

If you're ordering in tonight, consider tipping your delivery driver. Is a few bucks all that much, really?

This blog post has been a public service announcement from someone who used to deliver hot dogs, greek food, and other edibles around Chicago.

Adjustment

2007-06-01T16:12:00.000-05:00

Had my first ever visit with a chiropractor today. Got adjusted and had my legs taped up for my 5K on Sunday.

Is it get hotter outside, or is it just me?

Photo and Running Update

2007-05-27T10:19:00.000-05:00

Sorry my blog posts have been so limited lately. Work has kept me super busy. I'm usually too distracted to blog at home and I can't access Blogger on the job. Oh, and my trusty old Dell laptop finaly died (in Chisago Lake, Minnesota of all places). So recently I've only been able to post from my cellphone.

Now I'm enjoying a leisurely morning in bed with my work laptop, and I have a little time before I have to get up and see if I have any clothing to wear for a wedding later.

Here's a brief update on my goings on..

Last weekend Denise and I spent some time visiting her family up in Minnesota. We also got to join in the celebration of Danielle's birthday, as well as spend a night in Denise's mom's awesome house on Chisago Lake. Unfortuantely we were so pressed for time that we missed out on a lot of things we meant to do, including the 5K we had signed up for.

But the highlight of the weekend was getting to hang around with Denise's kids Brandon and Eva. Here we are at the Super Target. These guys are easily amused; we had lots of fun making mini-movies on my cellphone (which I'll post later) and making up funny jingles. My personal favorite: "Happy Birthday to Ham!"

We also had ice cream at Izzy's. Yum!

Now, let's talk about running--something I have not posted much about on my blog lately. The reason for that is simple: I've been sucking. From February through much of May I've slowed down by a lack of motivation and poor performance in general. Every race I've run these past few months has been terrible, and my training runs have all been a struggle. Many days I didn't know which felt worse: my inflamed leg muscles or my deep embarassment. I just could not get it together. (As you might have guessed from my lack of a race report, Indy was a huge fiasco, my worst race ever. Let us not speak of it again.)

But things are starting to turn around.

I've been doing lots of speed work at the track, and though these workouts have been painful they are starting to pay off. My longer runs along the lakefront are still a struggle, but I am finaly starting to put on some speed and distance. At last, I can feel myself falling back into line.

Yesterday morning was my first really good medium-distance workout since January.

Distance: 6 miles
Time: 53:52
Pace: 8:59/mile!

As usual, I started out slow, leg muscles groaning. But as I progressed down my favorite gravel path by Montrose Harbor I began to really enjoy myself, and going faster and faster became a wonderful game.

(Incidently, during mile 4, and for only the second time in my running carear, I was hit with a massive runner's high. I felt so giddy and dizzy that I lost track of the world around me as I passsed one runner after another at breakneck speed. For half a mile I was clocking speeds in excess of 7:30/mile pace. I eventually stopped not because I was tired, but because I was a bit frightened!)

I had almost forgotten why I run. Now I remember again.

Time to Great Midwest Relay: 2 weeks
Time to Marathon Training: 3 weeks

I plan on continuing to hit it hard right through to GMR, where I'll get a chance to see what my muscles can realy do.

My goal for the summer is to run the intermediate distances in the 9:30/mile pace group during CARA marathon training.

See you out on the path. I'll be smiling for a change.

US Bank 4:30AM

2007-05-22T04:45:00.000-05:00

Mainframe went down last night. On conf call w/ 30 grumpy people. I'm used to these hours. But normally I don't get to talk to anyone my first three hours of work.

--
UPDATE: Work sure was busy today, but it had a happy ending: I discovered a defect in the application I support. If confirmed, I'm hoping they'll name it "the Josh Defect."

Waiting to deplane

2007-05-20T20:13:00.001-05:00

Denise in her office

2007-05-18T20:10:00.000-05:00

The hospital is safe (at least during the day shift) with my girlfriend in charge of security.

ePay 7.1: All Night Long

2007-05-12T01:47:00.000-05:00

It's about 2AM Friday night and I've been on a conference call with work for the past 2 1/2 hours working a systems migration. My part in this process is small, but I have to constantly pay attention so I'm ready when they call my name. Hopefully I'll be done before sunrise. I've started dialing back my caffeine intake just in case.

So here I sit in my livingroom; two laptops open in front of me and two pugs asleep next to me (with a third staring at me from across the room). My video has been paused for nearly an hour because I keep thinking they are going to say my name on the conference call and I don't want to appear to be sleepy (which I'm not) or distracted (which I am). My next task is step #16, but these folks have been on step #15 for freaking forever. "C'mon, people!" I want to say. "I've got TV I want to watch."

While I'm waiting, I'm going to do something here that I never, ever do. I'm going to answer a blog "tag." (Only because it was you who asked, Denise.)

My ABC's.....

A- Attached or Single? Attached

B- Best Friend: My imaginary friend Cletus

C- Cake or Pie: raw cookie dough

D- Drink of Choice: Who's buying?

E- Essential Item: sense of humor (I keep losing it)

F- Favorite Color: Red 'cus I'm a commie

G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Years ago in the Newark airport I enjoyed a "Gummi Rat."

H- Hometown: Sweet Home Chicago(tm). Escape is impossible. Believe me, I've tried three times already.

I- Indulgence: Minding my own business

J- January or February: Fuck January and February.

K- Kids: One full-time pug and two loaners

L- Life is incomplete without: dim sum

M- Marriage Date: What's the temperature in hell?

N- Number of Siblings: One younger brother who doesn't like me very much. But that's OK because I still have my imaginary friend Cletus.

O- Oranges or Apples? I don't see how I can compare them.

P- Phobias/Fears: Bland food. Seriously, it gives me nightmares.

Q- Favorite Quote: "Do good things and good things will happen." -Mick Gley

R- Reasons to smile: Wonderful girlfriend who moved here to be with me, snoring pugs, deep dish pizza, Cantillon sour muscat lambic beer, decent Chinese food, my close friends, and many other people and things.

S- Season: Fall

T- Tag Three: Dick, Condi, and Rumsfeld.

U- Unknown Fact About Me: I was a professional actor at age 10, but I never got to do drugs with Drew Barrymore.

V-Vegetarian or Not: I love cows but eat them anyway. I hate soybeans but eat them even more. (I also hate the dumbass preppy war criminals who got us into the stupid billion dollar-wasting 100,000 civilian death-causing Iraq embarassment, but I don't want to eat them. I do love America but can't eat it because Wisconsin gives me gas.)

W- Worst Habit: Biting the heads off of live chickens

X – X-rays or Ultrasounds? My HMO only covers Etch-a-Sketch.

Y- Your Favorite Foods: General Tso's Chicken, Harold's Fried Chicken, a good vegetarian black bean burger with avocado, raw pizza from Karyn's Raw Foods, decent sushi (hard to find in Chicago), good bloody mary (even harder to find), my mom's chocolate matzo crisps, grilled eggplant, and many other things

Z- Zodiac: sign of the Pug

That's it now. Never tag me again.

Just completed step #16 at last. Now I can put my call on mute and go back to watching old episodes of Gilmore Girls until we reach step #22.

Don't you all just want my life?

Dessert Before Dinner

2007-05-10T18:59:00.001-05:00

A bike ride to Hot Doug's for dinner turns into an unscheduled diversion to Ethel's Chocolates in Roscoe Village.

--
Update: Sorry I haven't gotten around to posting my race report from Indy yet. I'm several weeks into the 4:30AM schedule and I've also been on 24 hour call this past week. Barely getting enough sleep. So bear with me, please.

--
Update #2: We never did make it to Hot Doug's because they were closed. (What kind of restaurant closes at 4PM?) So we went to Brauhaus for sausages and pilsner. Yum!

Carb Loading

2007-05-04T19:54:00.001-05:00

Jay and I enjoy pasta at Pallomino, downtown Indianapolis

River to River Relay

2007-04-29T15:17:00.000-05:00

Well folks, it's been a week and a day since I ran River to River with the Buffalo Warriors and I'm just now getting around to posting a race report. The delay has mostly been due to my incredibly busy work schedule (which is about to get worse), but also a bit to my embarrassment at not having performed better.

I was privileged to be invited by Shea to join the Buffalo Warriors (a running club in the vicinity of Champaign, Illinois) as a ringer at this year's River-to-River Relay. Here's a photo of some of my teammates the night before the big race. While other teams practice their wind sprints in front of the hotel, we're sitting out back drinking beer. Later that evening we would march down the street for a pre-race dinner of BBQ meats and friend pickles.. and of course more drinking. (See the photo from my earlier post.)

Fried pickles!!!

Followed by a team meeting where race strategy was discussed for a few minutes, followed by poker.. and of course more drinking. (See a pattern here?)

Now let me step back a minute and tell you about this particular relay race; without a doubt the weirdest running event I've taken part in so far.

The expo almost blew my mind for its utter weirdness. Hundreds of people milling about, but nothing in particular going on. Dozens of oddly painted vans in the parking lot.

Note this charming pair of signs next to the signup table. One reads, "No socializing in this room," while the other promises, "Free Beer." Unfortunatley, the free beer was some particularly awful fruit-flavored concoction.

Here's Shea, Kevin, and Eric posing outside the expo with our official registration bags.

Contents: assorted fruit and a roll of toilet paper!

Here's Shea & I in the back of the van on our way to the starting line. The look of confidence on my face stems from ignorance of my true capabilities and what I'll be facing that day.

I don't really know what I was expecting.

Our team of 8 each had to complete 3 legs of 2-4 miles each. None of the segments were flat, but all were primarily on pavement. Shea volunteered for slot #6: the most difficult. As the newest and least experienced Buffalo, I was assigned slot #4, which nobody else wanted. It was not one of the harder slots, but it was the second longest.

Here I am about to take my first hand-off.

The first of my three segments was undoubtedly my worst, and at a time of 41:17 over 3.65 miles (11:19/mile) the most embarrassing distance I've ever run. My teammates were supportive, but I could sense the frustration in the air; everyone else would have to run faster to make up for my slowness.

I realized at this point that my complete lack of hill training--as well as my general out-of-shape condition--did not make me particularly suitable for running this kind of a course after an evening of beer and barbequed meats.

Fortunately my remaining two slots would be at least a little better.

Eric ("Captain Pickles") hands the baton to Brian ("Devil Dog")

By the end of the first round the hardworking Buffalo had managed to regain much of the time I had lost.

Now on to the second round..

Shea at the end of his second leg.

Not content to coast through his "easy" leg, Shea burned rubber through 2.5 miles with a time of 18:23. Kick ass!

I don't have any photos of my second leg, but I have to say it's the only one out of the three that I'm not completely ashamed of. It took me 39:16 to run 3.8 miles (10:20/mile) -- the second longest segment anyone would have to run that day. Nowhere near as good as the rest of my teammates, but definitely good for me over hilly terrain.

Unfortunately that second leg tapped what energy I had, and my quads were killing me (my muscles unaccustomed to downhills).

Fortunately the van was equipped with plenty of Sparks.

Shea was also nice enough to let me use his electrical stimulator.

It didn't numb the pain, but it did make my legs feel nice and tingly.

(Actually that might have been the Sparks.)

I ran my final leg at exactly the same speed as my second, averaging a 10:20/mile pace to finish 3.25 miles in 33:34. But I should have been able to go faster given the shorter distance and fewer hills.

I was out of shape and unprepared. I've got no one to blame for that but myself... and a lot of work to do out on the running path this summer!

Here I am in the van, wiped out after my final leg, eating kabanosy and drinking wit beer.

This photo definitely does not show me at my best, but it is a good public reminder to myself that I need to get in shape and train year-round; even in the springtime when it's cold and rainy.

We reached our finish line at the Ohio River just as the sun was setting. Our total time was 11:00:35, ranking us 117th out of 227. Overall, not bad.

My fellow teammates did a phenomenal job, all of them running their hearts out.

But two of my teammates particularly stand out. Kevin averaged an amazing pace of 07:04/mile over 10.2 miles of hilly terrain after having just recently run the Boston Marathon. And Shea, our team's MVP, amazed us all by running at blazing speeds on the most difficult uphills. Way to go guys!

As the sun set over the Ohio River, it was time to celebrate our long day of hill running...

Corn dogs in the Golconda town square

Jaeger shots at the local hillbilly bar (served in paper cups)

And a nightcap back at the hotel

Next weekend I'll be running the half marathon in Indianapolis, and as you might assume from the tone of this blog post I'm definitely not ready. But at least the weather is finally nice and I can enjoy myself.

I'm going to go right now and run six miles.

See you outside, everybody!

--

Postscript: Just ran 8 miles along the lakefront. My goal was to make myself feel better, and I succeeded. Managed 8 miles in 1:17 (9:38/mile). Not enough of a long distance to assure I'll be ready for Indy, but at least it's reassurance that I can still put one foot in front of the other.

Update

2007-04-22T12:54:00.000-05:00

I'm partway home from River to River, having stopped in Champaign to rest my legs and pickup some beer at Friar Tuck's.

I'll post a race report later this week, after I upload my pictures and collect my split times and regain feeling in my ankles.

Stay tuned.

Yes, I've locked comments on this post. I'll have a real race report up soon.

On your mark..

2007-04-21T06:49:00.001-05:00

Shea and I prepare for a long day. Note the Sparks malt beverage.

Dinner with the Buffalo

2007-04-20T20:23:00.000-05:00

Fried pickles! BBQ meat on the way. No carb loading for us! While everyone else does practice wind sprints we're drunk dialing.

On the Road with Shea

2007-04-20T14:25:00.001-05:00

Heading downstate to Marion, illinois, where we'll be running the River to River Relay with the Buffalo Warriors. Fried pickles, here we come!

At Home at US Bank

2007-04-18T14:50:00.001-05:00

Conference call action photo

Pre-Game Warmup

2007-04-14T11:33:00.001-05:00

Beer intervals at Goose Island

Photo and Schedule Update

2007-04-09T05:59:00.000-05:00

Here is a brief update on my goings on..

Here I am on my first conference call at the new job.

I still have a lot to learn, but at the start of week 3 I'm feeling a bit more confident.

Here's Denise with her new IL driver's license

It's easy to forget how much there is involved in moving to a new state.

On Saturday Jay taught an introductory beer class at my apartment, and it was a huge success. Unlike at Jay's previous advanced beer class, we all managed to learn a lot about beer without getting too wasted, so there's a good chance we all remember what we learned this time.

No makeout action for Brian this time, but at least he didn't have an expensive cab ride this time!

Jeanne took a break from her family and consulting responsibilities to drink beer with us. She knows how to knock back a bottle!

The Triple Crown has a new convert in Denise.

And I finally got to try shrimp with walnuts.

Well, that's all that's been going on for me recently. Still no running. Too lazy.

This week I'll be working 10AM-7PM. Yuck. But at least I'll have time for exercise in the morning. Starting tomorrow. Maybe.

Infoninja vs. Clinton Lake

2007-04-05T18:34:00.000-05:00

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. Been busy at the new job, and it's just as well since I'm not allowed access to Blogger from the new office. (Though I am allowed access to personal e-mail--go figure.)

This past weekend I had the pleasure of crewing for Shea at the Clinton Lake 30 Mile Trail Ultra Marathon.

The race consisted of three 10 mile loops around the north fork of Clinton Lake, about 45 minutes west of Champaign-Urbana, Illinois.

To say that the trails were "a little muddy" after several days of rainfall would be an understatement. Runners reported water pouring down the trail at some points.

The conditions would be too much for many, and nearly 30% of the starters dropped out before completing their third loop.

(Needless to say, I myself am not yet ready to even consider something like this. I didn't even pace Shea for the final loop like he wanted.)

Our hero at the starting line.

Shea finished his first loop right on schedule; not at the front of the pack, but not lagging behind either.

I did my best to be good crew for Shea, changing out his liquids and fuel and pacing short distances between laps. I wish I had been in better shape so I could have done more. Fortunately I was supporting a runner who did not require any additional inspiration or medical assistance of any kind.

Unfortuntely, I don't have any photos of Shea from lap 2 or 3.

But I do have this video (sponsored by Stone Brewing Company, makers of "Arrogant Bastard" Ale) of Shea 1.5 miles from the finish line:

Crossing the finish line!

This man just ran 30 miles in the mud!

Unfortunately, the presence of the local authorities (and perhaps electrolyte dehydration) discouraged Shea from drinking the bottle of Arrogant Bastard he deserved. But for this guy, just finishing was probably intoxicating enough.

At the time of this posting Shea has not yet posted his race report (with more photos), but probably will soon.

In the meantime, let me be the first to say: Nice job!

--

Next stop for both Shea & I: River to River with the Buffalo Warriors!

Lunchbreak Errand

2007-03-30T13:01:00.001-05:00

I found an amazing little store at Ogilvie Station where every birthday card they sell is NOT lame. I hope Kathleen likes what I got her.

Shamrock Shuffle

2007-03-27T06:32:00.000-05:00

Distance: 8K
Official Time: 45:59

I performed better than expected, coming within 42 seconds of my time from last year. Amazingly I managed this even though I walked at least six blocks in addition to the water stop.

The surprise is that I held it together aerobicly, never once running out of breath. But my poor leg muscles, atrophied from lack of recent use, refused to carry me as fast as I liked.

I've certainly got my work cut out for me! It's one thing to dissapoint at an individual event, but I refuse to embarass myself in front of the Buffalo Warriors at River to River. I've got less than a month to get my act together!

Fortunately, I'm not as bad off as I had feared.

Now I'm off to my new job, where there will be no talk of running and lots of talk about systems I've never seen before.

Not Ready But Gonna Run It Anyway

2007-03-24T23:35:00.000-05:00

This is going to be a quick post because it's nearly midnight and I have to get up tomorrow morning to run Shamrock Shuffle. I must admit that a small part of me had been hoping that oncoming thunderstorms would force cancellation of this event and thus cover up my complete lack of training these past few weeks--or even a simpe day-before warmup run. But (sigh) looks like I have to go through with this one. Wish me luck!

On a happier note, Denise and I have been living together for a week now, and we are getting along terrific. Thanks to our new storage locker, Denise's ceaseless unpacking, and the reorganization of my closets, we have managed to comfortably fit us both in my tiny one bedroom apartment. Amazingly we never trip on each other, and I'm really happy she's here!

As many of you know, Denise's moving here was a complicated affair that involved two separate flights to Minneapolis in one week, a broken car (left behind in MN), a police adventure in a redneck motel, a long rental truck drive, and lots of moving of boxes. And somewhere in the process I caught a yucky cold.

Here is a picture of us at Melting Pot, where Denise took me for a surprise dinner the other night to celebrate our new jobs. It was my first ever fondue experience!

Actually, Denise's move to Chicago and my yucky cold were only two of the three distractions that kept me from taining these past two weeks. There was also three of us quitting Chase at the same time: me, Jay, and Mark. Needless to say, there were lots of celebrations going on in a short period of time!

Here Mark says his special goodbye to Chase.

Good luck Mark! Good luck Chase!

Jay and I celebrated our departure from Chase with a party at Jak's Tap. Our favorite former colleagues all came by to celebrate with us, but that didn't stop Jay and I from getting away for some self-congratulatory cigars.

Our friend Don Julio was also a big part of the celebration!

Denise kept an eye on me, helping me home when the cigar smoke and alcohol fumes finaly overcame me.

--

It's after midnight now and I'm still working on this blog entry. I still have to fold laundry and get to bed soon so I can get up tomorrow and run that race I'm not ready for.

I was going to post my mp3 playlist for tomorrow, but the sound of Denise's electric toothbrush in the next room is reminding me that it's time for bed.

Good luck to everyone who is running, walking, or cheering tomorrow. See you in the beer tent at the end of the finish chute!

Last Day at Chase

2007-03-22T08:29:00.000-05:00

Thanks to those who sent me good wishes when I started to feel sick. I'm recovering quickly and should be well enough to embarass myself at Shamrock this Sunday.

Today is my last day at Chase. I'm going to take the rest of the morning to cleanup my desk and say goodbye. I plan on saying farwell to every individual on the production floor (all 150+ of them) one at a time.

Although I'm leaving for a better opportunity and dispite occasional differences with management, I'm actually sad to go. I'll be leaving behind a lot of happy memories, including:

the Switch Project: a bank on the verge of merging with a larger bank, asks a cute cartoon cat (or possibly a rabbit) to upgrade computer systems across the enterprise. Meetings are held, countless consultants are brought in to help (inlcuding me and Justyna), and many a round is bought at Elephant & Castle. "Go for Scott!"
The 1BOP "Restack" and other special projects, wherein this lonely consultant forestalls unemployment by creating Excel spreadsheets and shouting unintelligble things into a walkie talkie.
The fine men and women I have worked with for the past two years in Treasury Services Technology - Public Sector IT--especially Jay, who showed me that if you approach your job with dedication, impatience, hard work, and a sense of humor, the powers that be will try (and ultimately fail) to squash you like a bug.

Tomorrow evening, after I pickup my packet for the Shamrock Shuffle, the Public Sector IT team is taking Jay and I out to celebrate our departure from Chase. We'll be be at Jak's Tap at 901 W Jackson. Anyone reading this is welcome to join us for good pizza, craft beer, and fun gossip.

I may even shed a tear or two.

Uptown 60640

2007-03-19T20:26:00.000-05:00

Meet Uptown's newest resident, Denise!

It was a long, exciting weekend. We got back to Chicago on Saturday night and spent most of Sunday unpacking the truck and getting organized.

Now Denise is an official Chicagoan and I once again have a live-in girlfriend.

To celebrate this momentous occasion I picked up... the flu! Bleh! Going to have to call in sick tomorrow, even though it's my last week on the job. But what can I do?

So the Shamrock this weekend is going to be a bit more of a challenge than expected. Not only have I been particularly bad at training this winter, now it looks like I get to run this thing with a cough.

If I break my PR this year, I'm going to celebrate with an extra shot of Airborne.

COPS: Roseville

2007-03-14T06:43:00.000-05:00

OK, here are the details from our Super 8 adventure in Roseville, as promised by Denise. I'll try to keep this story brief but probably wont be able to.

So as I've discussed with Running Jayhawk and Out of Shape Guy and others, the expression "Super 8" refers to something that all men ought to know about women. But for Denise and I this past weekend it came to represent something entirely different and nowhere near as nice as the other meaning.

Our story begins in Roseville at 10PM Sunday night, when Denise and I returned to our hotel room at the Roseville Super 8 (motto: "low rates and no towels to serve you better") after a long day. Our room keys didn't work, so I went down to the front desk where the clerk recoded the keys and gave them back to me.

(Number of teeth missing from the night front desk clerk = 1)

The re-coded keys worked, but our relief was short-lived. For it took us only a few minutes to realize that we had been robbed. Both Denise's iPod and the WiFi card from my laptop (though not the laptop itself) had been taken from our room.

Thinking that the cleaning person had perhaps left our door open, I called the police to file a report and then called the front desk. The front desk clerk told me that the manager would be onsite to speak with the housekeeper first thing in the morning.

Now even before this incident we were already fed up with this hotel. It was ugly and there weren't enough towels and our door security chain was broken and the place smelled bad and many of the rooms were occupied by loud hockey hooligans. On top of that, the promised free WiFi didn't work in our room.

Needing to book a new hotel room (because we sure weren't spending another night in that shithole) I took my laptop (with spare network card) down the hall in search of a better wireless signal in order to conduct my hotel search. On my way down the hall I bumped into a nice woman named Julie, who noticed both my laptop and the room I had emerged from. Julie told me that she was in the room next door and had seen the people who had taken our things, and that they had tried to sell her Denise's iPod. Apparently these people had been checked into our room by mistake and had helped themselves to our stuff before being given another room by the hotel. I asked Julie if she would be willing to talk to the police but she said she would prefer not to--though I eventually persuaded her. I then called the police again and the officer said he would be on his way over.

(Number of teeth missing from Julie = 1, but with at least two looking like they were about to fall out)

I don't have a photo of Julie, but she looked something like this.

Denise went downstairs to wait for the police, calling me on my cellphone when they arrived. I then knocked on Julie's room door, only to be surprised when her boyfriend answered. Now I don't want to say that this was the biggest person I saw the entire weekend (that distinction goes to someone else), but he was certainly a close second. This piece-of-the-mountain introduced himself as Lewis and seemed quite aggravated to be bothered. Here's how the discussion went:

Josh: I'm really sorry to bother you, but Julie offered to speak with the police and they're here. I promise they'll have her back in 5 minutes.
Lewis: I'm not comfortable with this. It's going to have to wait until morning, maybe.
Josh: The police said they wont help us unless we have an eyewittness. And Julie already promied she'd help.
Lewis: Listen, I'm the MAN in this room and what I say goes. We're not going to do this tonight. [closes door]

The officers showed up a few minutes later and they seemed quite sympathetic and helpful, unlike everyone else, though they warned me that without our eyewittness all they could do is try to persuade our suspects residing in room 309 down the hall. I sent the officers next door to talk to our eyewittness, warning them that they may not get any cooperation. I then closed the door to my room and waited for something to happen.

I listened to the loud voices out in the hall for about 40 minutes, which included the police, the occupants of the suspect room, and another man I didn't recognise. Finaly, there was a loud knock on my door. I opened up to find not the police but Lewis (the uncooperative neighbor) holding our stolen merchandise in his hand and wearing a nametag reading "Super-8 Security." I didn't quite know what to say.

After Lewis and the cops went downstairs to complete their paperwork, I asked Julie why her boyfriend hadn't been very cooperative before--especially since he worked for the hotel. She wasn't able to explain very clearly, but from lots of little hints I later guessed that Lewis probably had a wife at home who perhaps thought he was away on a hunting trip or something like that.

I forgot to mention one funny detail. The night before, while Denise and I were struggling to fall asleep on our terrible Super-8 mattress, we heard the couple next door having sex. It consisted of 5 minutes of loud thumping, then silence. It was funny to meet Lewis & Julie the next night in order to put faces on the five brief minutes of thumpa-thumpa.

The entire ordeal kept us busy until about 3:30AM. After everything was done (the thieves were kicked out of the hotel but not arrested) I took my laptop down to the lobby to try and find a new hotel. Several of the night staff were hanging around, including some dude who I think was the night manager. He tried to make small talk with me but all I could bring myself to do was glower at him. Can you blame me?

(Number of teeth missing from night manager = 2)

The next morning I got up at 7AM to give the hotel manager a piece of my mind. I was intercepted by the daytime front desk clerk and she admitted to me that she had been the one to give access to our room to the thieves the day before. I confronted her on this and she immediatley grew defensive, insisting it was an honest mistake and not a big deal.

Those of you who are familiar with my anger management issues can imagine how I reacted. By the time my tirade was finished, the clerk agreed to wipe out our entire bill.

(Number of teeth missing from daytime desk clerk = 1)

Still feeling angry, I channeled my energy and had an amazingly satisfying run around not very scenic Roseville. I didn't have a lot of time but still had a great workout.

Distance: 3 miles
Time: 27:24
Pace: 9:08/mile

After my run Denise and I couldn't get out of there fast enough. So we quickly gathered our things and I went downstairs to wait for Denise to pull the car around, which was parked far away.

Standing out front with me was the night mananager, some other hotel staff, and a few locals and their pit bull (which was growling).

(Number of teeth missing from this group collectively = at least 6)
(Number of fangs missing from pit bull = unknown)

By the time Denise pulled the car around I was ready to jump in before she even hit the brakes. If it had been me driving I would have peeled rubber to get out of there.

Let us never speak of Super-8 or Roseville or dental hygiene ever again.

Jaws at the Mall!

2007-03-11T13:34:00.000-05:00

Visitors to Mall of America are often treated to a wide variety of birds flying around the indoor theme park. Less well-known is the dangerous shark problem.

Bye Bye Chase!

2007-03-08T11:26:00.000-06:00

Hello US Bank!

After three years with Chase, I'm saying sayonara.

In two weeks I begin work with an IT deliverables group at US Bank. My title will be Business Technical Analyst III and I'll still get to work in downtown Chicago. Same early morning hours of work, but it's worth it. Let's just say that I will be treated much better at the new job. Much, much better. :)

So far both myself and Denise have landed jobs we really wanted. But that's not all! My friend the psychgeek just got admitted to her first choice grad school program. AND one of my best friends is about to land a terrific new job... just 1/2 block from my new job!

So there will be much celebrating!!! A select number of you should be watching your e-mail for invitations to the most elaborate party I have ever thrown.

Thanks to everyone for their encouragement (especially Denise)!

Special Guest: Oglethorpe

2007-03-04T10:48:00.000-06:00

Today's special guest is Oglethorpe, who has agreed to write a guest post for this blog during a break in post-production of his new movie.

Put back my eyes so that I might furrow my brow, und express the anger I am feeling! What do you know of fire? You prance around like you have laser eyes. You don't!

We are on a top secret mission of world domination! You might be interested to know that we are just about to destroy your planet! Plans are for fools! Now do you see how my mind works? It's like a laser!

Well, that's all the time we have, folks. Watch for Oglethorpe this spring in the upcoming major motion picture: Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie for Theatres.

--
UPDATE: I had a nice run today to Maproom. Not a great distance or fast pace, but it was by far the most enjoyable run I've had so far this year.

Distance: 4.73 miles
Time: 45:07
Pace: 9:32/mile

And the best part was the glass of Cantillon Saint Lamvinus at the end! (Mmmm.... sour merlot grapes!)

Signed Up

2007-03-01T07:31:00.000-06:00

Tagged by Jeanne, I have registered for the 2007 Chicago Marathon.

My goal: Avoid injury between now and October 7.

(Oh, that and beat Oprah this year!)

And speaking of goals, this weekend will be my first running event of the year: the Lou Pinella 5K. Joining me will be Jay, Dana, and Jeanne. Jeanne wants to run this as a double-5K. Let's hope the weather permits. This Saturday's race will be a fun run, so my only goal is to not drink too much beer at the end.

Winter may not be quite over yet, but I've got to get ready for a busy spring and summer of running...

March 3: Lou Pinella 5K

March 25: Shamrock Shuffle

April 1: 10 mile loop as pacer/crew for Shea at the Clinton Lake Ultra trail marathon.

April 21: River to River (with the Buffalo Warriors)

May 5: Indy Mini half marathon

June 8-9: Great Midwest Relay (with the Yet-To-Be-Named Team)

I figure if I'm not injured after all that, I should do fine at the Chicago Marathon this year.

See you out on the running path, everybody. Just as soon as the snow stops..

Fueled by Wild Turkey

2007-02-24T08:20:00.001-06:00

8 Ball, Corner Pocket
Originally uploaded by electrojosh.

It's 8AM on a Saturday morning and I should still be asleep. But about an hour ago my two gassy pugs woke me up demanding outside time. And I was too hungover to sleep anyway.

Last night I hung out at Konak with Jim. Fueled by Wild Turkey I had a massive pool winning streak, assisted by my able doubles partners Axel and Artirez.

Now I'm hungover and contemplating what has to be done today:

1) Get back on my diet that I briefly went off last night by drinking to celebrate the 3 pounds I lost by not drinking so much.

2) Drink water and go back to bed.

3) Convince Sadie and Holly to stop farting so I can get some sleep.

4) Clean up my disaster of an apartment so Denise isn't scared away tomorrow.

5) Go running.

6) Lie around and watch TV.

Am I forgetting anything?

And what about you, gentle reader? Are you forgetting something? Have you signed up for the Shamrock Shuffle yet? I'm having a party afterwards for anyone who runs or walks it.

Only 28 days to go! See you at the starting line, everybody!

--
UPDATE: I just saw that the Shamrock Shuffle has sold out. Leave a comment if you signed up and will be there.

First Outdoor Lakefront Run of the Year

2007-02-22T06:14:00.000-06:00

Last night Jay and I ran along the lakefront. It was my first time running by the lake this year and my first outdoor 5 miler since... well, a while.

Distance: 5 miles
Time: 46:05
Average Pace: 9:13/mile

We both ran a good pace, but I felt exhausted at the end. I'm still a bit out of shape and I still have a ways to go if I want to beat my 8K PR at the Shamrock.

Last summer Jay and I met weekly for medium-distance runs, followed by dinner and drinks at Twisted Spoke. It's a tradition I hope we can keep going again the rest of this year.. even though there are some big changes coming. (Watch this space for future details.)

Two whiskeys and a buffalo chicken sandwich were all that it took for me to be passing out on the train. I even slept through my stop and had to get off at the next one to take another train back!

Hopefully after a few more of these outdoor 5 milers I wont fall asleep so easily afterwards.

At Work on First Day Back on Weight Watchers

2007-02-19T15:54:00.001-06:00

my emergency snack food

As my readers in the IT field know well, weekend migration projects are the worst time to be dieting. So, of course, this past weekend's OPEX implementation was where I spent my first two full days back on Weight Watchers.

Everywhere around me I was surrounded either by junk food or people talking about junk food. Finally I couldn't take it anymore so I ran to 7-11 and picked up the healthiest snacks I could find: Danon "Light 'n Fit" yogurt, mixed veggies, fruit cup, and a big can of Arizona Diet Green Tea.

These snacks really helped, and by the time we ordered lunch I was able to make the right choices because I wasn't panicy hungry.

Sunday at work was also similarly successful, and now it's Monday and I'm at home and not at all tempted by junk food. I think I might be over my first dieting hump.

See you all at the other end of 19 pounds.

Ooops! Doh!

2007-02-16T17:25:00.000-06:00

Today's post is about "oops!" and "doh!"

Oops, I gained weight again! I'm now up four pounds from where I started!! My own willpower has failed me, and I have re-joined Weight Watchers. WW is highly effective, but is no fun. Doh!

Oops, I hurt my hamstrings with the combination of stair master, lunges, and yoga. Sitting down will not the be same for a while. Doh!

Oops, I seem to have already spent my disposable "fun money" this month! Ironically I've been too busy working long hours (for valuable overtime pay) to notice that I haven't been balancing my checkbook. Doh!

Oops, I answered a couple of questions on the phone today that I wish I had answered differently, possibly costing me a good opportunity. (I can't be more specific yet.) Doh!

Oops, I'm having a hard time adjusting to Weight Watchers and have already used up almost all of my "points" for the day. I have to go to the gym now in order to exercise and earn "activity points" so I can eat dinner without going off my new diet on the very first day. But I don't want to go to the gym because that means going outside and it's cold! Doh!

Oops, I have to go outside anyway because Sadie is demanding outside time. She hates the cold even more than I do, but nature calls. Doh!

Oops, I'm putting off my walk with Sadie and my walk to the gym by wasting time writing this blog entry. Doh!

Oh, and I almost forgot...

Oops, I volunteered to work long days the entire upcoming three day weekend, starting before sunrise tomorrow. Doh!

--
Friday Night UPDATE: Oops, I badly pulled a calf muscle while taking my shoes off after coming home from the gym. Doh!

--
Saturday Night UPDATE: Oops, it looks like I'm not going to be able to fulfill my pledge to workout every day until the Shamrock Shuffle. My calf muscle is still recovering and after a long day at work I fell asleep and only woke up after my gym closed. Doh.

Indian Edition

2007-02-14T08:03:00.000-06:00

My recent lunch with Denise at Tiffin put me in an Indian mood. So today's blog post will be a special Indian edition.

It's been a week now and I'm still managing to keep my pledge to exercise every day until the Shamrock Shuffle. Yesterday was the biggest challenge to my willpower, because after it took me two hours to get home from O'Hare I didn't feel like trudging through the snow to the gym. So I did something I hadn't done in a long time: yoga.

Last year JB was nice enough to give me my favorite of her yoga videos, which I dusted off after locating my yoga mat.

I don't have any photos of myself doing yoga, but it looked something like this.

I was feeling rusty and only made it halfway through the routine, but I still got a terrific workout.

I understand now why so many runners rave about yoga, and I plan on making it a regular part of my exercise routine.

Then last night for dinner I had a bunch of Indian food I purchased from Devon Avenue. It was out of sight delicious and I was happy to see that I ended up with plenty of leftovers. The best part was the fresh paratha -- moist and spicy! I'll definitely be going back to that particular grocery store!

Now, I know what you're thinking: Isn't this blog supposed to be about running? Indeed it is, so let me now take this opportunity to add one new entry to my fantasy future race calendar: the New Delhi Marathon. This event, considered by some experts to be the world's fastest marathon course, is likely to attract Budhia Singh, who at four years old is the world's youngest ultra-runner. (Now that's an age group that Shea will never place in!)

And finaly, in the spirit of Valentines Day, here is an excerpt from the love poem "Look to this Day" by the great Hindu poet Kalidasa. It is dedicated to my dearest Denise, to whom I said a sad goodbye yesterday.

For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision;
And today well-lived, makes
Yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

To you, Denise, I say thank you for a wonderful yesterday, and a better tomorrow to come.

And to the rest of you, keep on running!

Something to Prove

2007-02-11T15:07:00.000-06:00

Well, folks, it's winter alright. The hands are dry, the cars are crusted with salt, the lips are chapped, and the second round of credit card bills is soon to arrive from the holiday season.

Around this time last year I would generally stay indoors on cold weekends like this, content to medicate myself with bad cable TV and venturing outdoors only for emergency portions of Harold's Fried Chicken.

But not this year. These days I have something to prove. (Prove what? To whom? Why? I dunno.) And prove it I shall, if for no other reason than that there never seems to be anything good on TV.

As my irregular readers (Yes, you! You are irregular.) know I am on a quest to exercise every day for 45 days leading up the Shamrock "drink flat beer in the cold" Shuffle, and I am pleased to report that so far I have been keeping my promise.

Here's what I accomplished today..

Distance: 2.5 miles
Time: 25:07
Pace: 10:03/mile

I know that's not much, but my humble self is still getting re-acclimated to running outdoors. So I am building up distance very slowly.

Here's a satellite map of today's route:

St. Boniface Cemetery is a great place to warm up the muscles that first mile, and the funny tombstones make for a good distraction. Also featured on this route is Chase Park, where I hope to do speed work someday if/when the snow ever melts.

Tomorrow I'll hit the gym with Denise, who is currently 20 miles away taking the Elk Grove police exam. Wish her luck everybody!

And best of luck to all of you intrepid runners out there! Keep it going!

Back to Business

2007-02-07T18:07:00.000-06:00

If my blog posts these past few weeks have been any indicator, I've surely lost focus on my running and have instead allowed myself to become distracted. I suppose that happens to a lot of us in January/February (the evil months) but now I feel like I've gone too far off course. If it doesn't look like I've been running much lately, it's because I haven't.

It's time to get back to business.

So for me, as you dear readers are my witness, between now and the Shamrock Shuffle there shall be:

No more sports.

(Football is over, college sports don't count, and baseball is an ice age away.)

No more of my leftist political rants.

(Four more years!)

No more complaining about my job or the people I work with or our top-secret mission.

(My work friends are all quitting or getting fired anyway.)

No more drinking.

Ha, ha! Just kidding! Of course there'll be drinking, but only after...

Daily workouts!

That's every single day, without exception, between now and my first official race of the season.

That's right, folks, I'm going to engage in some form of exercise every single day for the next 45 days. If I'm tired or injured or busy on any given day, then I'll at least take a nice walk or do something to keep my muscles loose. But on most days I plan to either go to the gym (which for chrissakes is only three blocks from me) or run outside (as soon as the mercury crosses my tolerance threshhold of 25°F).

I've allowed myself to get distracted. It's time to get back to business.

Oh, Well

2007-02-04T21:45:00.000-06:00

Oh, well. So much for the Bears this year.

Here, in one of several second half game-losing moments, Rex Grossman fumbles the ball.

Anyone think he'll be starting for us next year?

Now for some peace and quiet until Cubs season.

Chicago Bears

2007-02-02T21:25:00.000-06:00

--
UPDATE #1: Jay made it through all 12 bars last night, though he stopped drinking complete beverages after bar #9. We're all proud of Jay, and we wish him even better success at next year's Superbowl Pub Crawl!

UPDATE #2: To all the people who think the Bears are going to lose: You have been saying that all season and so far you have been wrong.

Sadie the Bed Hog

2007-02-02T08:26:00.000-06:00

Sadie likes to steal my spot on the bed as soon as I get up from my afternoon nap.

No other pictures to show off. Life has been uneventful everywhere except for work (where no cameras are allowed).

This weekend should be more interesting. Tomorrow night I'm coaching a friend through the end of the world series of unnecessary drinking. I'll be pacing him as he staggers from bar #9 to the finish line at bar #12. Look for me at Delilah's around 9PM Saturday if you want to observe this spectacle.

Then on Sunday there's some kind of football game.

the Secret is Out

2007-01-30T07:07:00.000-06:00

For those of you who don't already know,..

I've been bitten by a Firefly!

Favorite George W Bush Moments

2007-01-27T11:27:00.000-06:00

OK, I'm still in bed when I should be outside running. My dog isn't being much help, all curled up in the blanket like she just don't care.

To inspire myself to get out and hit the pavement, I'm lying here thinking of some fast runners I admire:

Paula Radcliffe
Khalid Khannouchi
Ed Whitlock
Dean Karnazes
George W Bush

That's right, folks, there is something I admire our fearless leader for aside from his loyalty to his friends like Dead Duck Dude. Laugh if you want, but the guy finished the Houston Marathon in 3:44. You try that!

Speaking of laughing, here for no particular reason are some random George W Bush moments. Enjoy.

Let's start with one of my favorites: "Drunk at a Party." Take notice how much the president admires his newly married friends for their marathon running abilities.

I thought this guy was supposed to be in AA, but I guess not.

Like music? Irish nationalism? Well then, duder, this next one goes out to you: "Sunday Bloody Sunday!"

In a few days January will be over and soon it will be February, the shortest month of the year. But don't tell that to George W Bush!

Now, getting serious for a moment, here is some recently de-classified video footage from before the Iraq invasion. Now we know the real story!

This next one is my all-time favorite. WARNING: George Bush's rendition of an old folk saying is painful to watch.

And finally, a "sub-blim-in-a-ble" compilation of great W moments, set to music. Now, let's all have a cheeseburger!

OK, procrastination over. President Bush wouldn't be lazy on a day like today, so neither will I.

So I'm going to go outside an run now.

Then I'll have a cheeseburger.

Clark Street Ale House

2007-01-26T06:27:00.001-06:00

Jay and Out of Shape Guy and me at Clark Ale House.

Topics discussed:

the Bears (I'm in favor)
having kids and moving to the suburbs (I'm opposed)
scary runner blogger stories (I'm appalled)
scary JP Morgan stories (I'm hungover)

Lou Pinella 5K

2007-01-24T08:34:00.000-06:00

Last night Jay and I did a test measure of the Lou Pinella 5K. The temperature was a glorious 25°F but it was still a good night to run through the residential and industrial sites of Bridgeport.

Distance: 3.1 miles (5K)
Time: 29:04

I met my goal of coming in under 30 minutes, but I was pretty winded from the effort. I'm going to have to do a lot better in the next 60 days if I want to beat my 8K PR at the Shamrock.

So, my intrepid runners, are you ready to participate in Chicago's most unusual short-distance running event?

The Lou Pinella 5K will take place on Saturday March 3 at 10AM. This will be a self-timed, unorganized race. Participants can look forward to:

SEE some of Chicago's ugliest scenery!
HEAR the sounds of cars being crushed at the big metal scrapyard!
SMELL cupcakes being made at the Best Foods factory, located near mile 2!
FEEL your lungs ache as you wonder why you are running in winter!
TASTE the craft beer and yummy tacos at the finish line!

Think about it. Then think again, because you'd really be nuts to do this.

Bears and Colts Triumph

2007-01-21T19:53:00.000-06:00

Today was a good day to watch some football. Especially if you love the Bears and hate the Patriots.

Watched the Bears-Saints game with Jay and Brian and Brian's three cats and some lame dude who only drank Orange Crush. Jay and I drank very heavily during this game, hoisting our glasses every time either team achieved a first down.

I don't have any pictures from Brian's house because I was too busy drinking and screaming at the television to record the moment for posterity. Suffice it to day that the Bears won, I got drunk (and still am), and I no longer have easy use of my speaking voice.

By the way (I'm still a little drunk here) TO ALL THE STUPID TV TALKING HEADS WHO SAID THE SAINTS WOULD BEAT THE BEARS TODAY, HA HA YOU SUCK.

After the NFC game was over I headed to Cans to catch up with Jason & Leah and watch the AFC championship between the New England Douche Bags and the Indianapolis Colts.

Leah & Jason after 9 hours at the bar. Leah says "You gotta give me credit!"

When I left Cans with only 4 minutes left in the fourth quarter things didn't look good for the Colts, and I wanted to beat the rush for a cab. But on my way home I found out the Colts ended up pulling it off with a dramatic win.

Thank goodness! Now there is much less risk of me overhearing people singing the Superbowl Shuffle.

LET'S HEAR IT FOR THOSE BEARS!

(and for those beers.. as in all the beers I've had tonight)

Thanks for Two Years!

2007-01-19T22:00:00.000-06:00

Today is the second anniversary of this blog. Thanks to all of my readers for your interest in my self-centered postings and occasionally amusing anecdotes.

Two years ago today I was sitting by myself in the 2nd sub-basement of a downtown bank, killing time as an hourly consultant. I started this blog because I had nothing better to do. (JB had planted the seed in my head of starting a blog, even though she didn't have one herself.)

A year later I decided to take up running and Leah introduced me to the amazing RBF social subculture of people who train for marathons and then write about it on the Internet. Since then I've met lots of great runners online, and this is largely responsible for my still being a runner today.

Thank you everyone, for helping me realize my potential as a geeky extrovert.

Heart, Balls, and Belgian Muscat Lambic

2007-01-18T16:41:00.000-06:00

Nothing like a routine physical to put one at ease! Here's how it went:

Medical Assistant says I have high blood pressure!
Doctor says I have a heart murmur!!
Doctor says I have the beginnings of a hernia!!!
Doctor says actually I have very low blood pressure!!!!

Turns out the heart murmur is probably benign and the hernia is at least a year away from being an actual problem (which is good, because recovery from surgery would take 8+ weeks and I have a full race schedule this year). But I still have to see a couple of specialists to run further tests on my groin and heart. Great.

Other than that, today was a good day. I'm training a new guy at work and he seems to be learning fast. With things going so well, I left the new guy alone while Jay and I ran off to Chinatown for a nice lunch of pan-fried noodles and some kind of barley soup.

After my doctors appointment I bought some new running pants really cheap at Sears and then came home in time to have a nice long chat on the phone with someone special.

Now I'm going to take a nap and then head over to the gym for a nice workout. Then I'm off to the Hopleaf for some yummy Cantillon Lou Pepe Kriek.

All in all, a good day for someone with a potentially bad heart and testicles.

UPDATE: After a fantasticly intense workout I headed over to Hopleaf, only to find out that they were out of Cantillon Lou Pepe. But not to worry--they now have Cantillon Vigneronne, which it turns out is even better. Sour muscat labmic! Now THAT's what I'm talking about!

Guilty as Charged! Oh, the shame of it!

2007-01-17T07:34:00.000-06:00

Well, folks I have a confession to make: I have committed a corporate crime.

Companies have rules for a reason, which is why we can't just go around cheating customers, poisoining the water cooler, deceiving shareholders, or stealing big bags of money out the back door.

But oh my transgression is worse than all of the above--so bad that it actually triggered a warning from corporate headquarters in New York!

My crime:

I checked my personal e-mail at work!

(I can see you are all gasping in horror!)

[sound of me slapping myself in the face]

NEVER [slap] DO [slap] THAT [slap] AGAIN! [slap]

Ouch! Slapping myself sure does hurt. But I certainly deserve it for the terrible crime I have committed. Now I can only do my best to serve as a deterrent to others.

I feel like Richard Nixon, only balder and more evil.

And for any of you out there who would even consider emulating my terrible crime, let the e-mail below serve as a dire warning. (Names blanked out to protect the hard working men and women of JPMC Info Security who risk their lives every day to make sure that this will never ever be a fun place to work.)

N------ C---/JPMCHASE
01/16/2007 03:55 PM
To
Joshua Nathan/IL/ONE@JPMCHASE
cc
ITR - CSIRT - FULL, ITRM SMC NA@JPMCHASE, J----- - D-----/JPMCHASE@JPMCHASE
Subject
Attn Joshua: RESPONSE NEEDED - POTENTIAL POLICY VIOLATION - WEBMAIL - 10.136.201.28 Peregrine# 08060042

Joshua,

CSIRT received the alert below showing that you used webmail (st17.startlogic.com) from your machine via the infrastructure. Use of external webmail is a violation of the IT Control Policies due to the inherent security risks involved.

Please provide your exception ID for this usage, or cease using it from JPMC assets and infrastructure. Please note that continued violations without an exception requires CSIRT to notify Employee Relations as well.

Thank you,
N------

N------ C--
Computer Security Incident Response Manager, Americas

N------ C---, Vice President
JPMorgan Chase
Information Technology Risk Management
Computer Security Incident Response Team
1 Chase Manhattan Plaza, 24 Floor
New York, New York 10005

I sure do miss my glory days consulting at Arthur Andersen, where no one would even think of doing anything naughty.

Now be good, kids!

Firefly at the Finish Line

2007-01-14T12:58:00.001-06:00

Unofficial Results:

Chip: 2:30:03
Division: 33 / 572
Gender: 172 / 3155
OverAll: 401 / 6638

Let's hear it for the lovely and speedy Firefly!!!!!!

(And the Bears did pretty good today, too!)

In your face Bob!

See Bears Score! See Firefly Run!

2007-01-13T19:02:00.000-06:00

On Sunday I will be celebrating two big events in the wide world of sport:

At 8:30AM MST Firefly will be running in the PF Chang Rock 'N Roll Arizona Half Marathon.

Denise has trained very hard for this race, and she greatly appreciates everyones' support. Feel free to leave a comment here and I'll relay it to her via text message.

Denise will be running in the 2:07 pace group. How awesome is that?!!!!

The other big Sunday event is the Bears-Seahawks game at noon CST. I'm kinda nervous about this game for all the questions it brings up:

Can the Bears live up to all the hype?
Will Grossman screw everything up?
How much of Jay's hoppy IPA beer can I drink in one afternoon?

Time will tell.

I'll be updating this post throughout the morning and afternoon, so feel free to check back often.

Go Denise! Go Bears! Yea beer!

Sunday 8:00AM - Firefly Update - Denise just called from the starting line where she is freezing her ass off. Who could have expected 29°F in Arizona? Temperatures are not expected to climb much above freezing before the starting horn, and not much more afterwards. So send Denise your warm thoughts, because it's going to be an interesting morning.

War Pigs

2007-01-11T18:37:00.000-06:00

News Item: Bush Orders 20,000 More Troops to Iraq

Lately I've had the song "War Pigs" by Black Sabbath stuck in my head. Although written in 1971 as a protest against the Vietnam War, the lyrics of this heavy metal political protest seem as applicable now as ever.

Listen to "War Pigs" for yourself and tell me that Ozzy isn't singing about Bush and Cheney instead of Nixon and Kissinger.

Politicians hide themselves away.
They only started the war.
Why should they go out to fight?
They leave that role to the poor.

And as an added bonus, in case you can't get enough of that song, here is a video of the Dresden Dolls performing an amazing cover of "War Pigs". They take a different approach than Black Sabbath, but the message is the same.
--

Firefly Marathon Update
1/12/2007 2:44PM MST

Firefly enjoys a Michelob at the PF Chang Rock 'N Roll Arizona Marathon Expo

Watch this page for regular updates on Firefly's progress at the PF Chang Arizona Rock 'N Roll 1/2 Marathon. Go Denise!

Wisconsin Beer Adventure

2007-01-09T10:20:00.000-06:00

Good morning everybody!

I started working on this blog post Monday morning but never had a chance to finish it. Yesterday was horribly busy at work, and the fun actually started very, very early. Sunday night, just as I was drifting into comfy sleepy land, I got a call from a co-worker saying that she needed my help. So, not really rested from my Wisconsin beer adventure, I jumped into my pants and into a cab and made a midnight appearance at the coldest, ugliest building on earth. This sort of thing only happens when I least expect it. But I knew I was in for adventure when I first put on the uniform (jeans and a t-shirt).

But this blog post isn't about the absurd universe that is my carear (muffled laughter). That's a tale for another day.

Now let me tell you about my weekend.

Jay and I set off for Wisconsin behind schedule on Saturday. We had a big agenda and lots of beer to drink. But we still had enough time to stop on the way at Quaker Steak & Lube, which in spite of its cheesy name serves the very best spicy chicken wings in all of south central Wisconsin. Jay ordered the spicy cajun wings, which he was nice enough to share.

Our first destination was Lake Louie, Wisconsin's most notoriously difficult-to-find microbrewery. This tiny operation certainly isn't setup with busloads of tourists in mind, and is located down an unmarked dirt road in the little town of Arena.

Brewmaster Tom Porter and his wife DeAnn started Lake Louie as a very tiny operation and are still very small time. Their product, though excellent, can be notoriously difficult to find even in Wisconsin.

When we reached the brewery building we opened the door and found... no one. The door was unlocked an nobody was inside. Jay joked that we should just let ourselves in and show ourselves around.

We had arrived too late to meet Tom Porter, who had left for Madison and normally conducts tours in person earlier in the day. But we lucked out when DeAnn emerged from her house (just across the gravel driveway!) and offered to show us around. Like her husband, DeAnn is is an engineer and she played a big role in setting up the brewery. Although she modestly appologised to us for the quality of her tour, it was apparent that she understood every part of the production process and knew what she was talking about. (And she was not the least bit put off that two obnoxious big city tourists just showed up in the middle of her Saturday afternoon.)

DeAnn wasn't able to get the taps working, but was nice enough to pull some bottles out of the cooler for us to sample. This proved to be a special treat, as we were given the opportunity to sample the Reserve Scotch Ale. This very rare beer had previously sold out in only four days and is not available anywhere! What an incredible treat it was to sample this amazing brew with DeAnn Porter and also Tom's brother Gary, who dropped by while we were there. DeAnn even gave us each a bottle to take with us. Now I possess a bottle of Wisconsin's rarest beer and am almost afraid to drink it. Almost.

Oh my God, what an amazing place! While Tom and DeAnn deserve all the success, I hope they never grow so big that they lose the magic and turn into something like Goose Island. (You know what I mean Jay!)

After checking in to our fabulous roadside motel, Jay and I drove into Madison for our next beer stop: Riley's Wines of the World.

Why travel all the way to Wisconsin just to visit a liquor store? Because strange laws, arcane distribution arrangements, and poor economy of scale make it so a lot of great Wisconsin brew is not available anywhere near Chicago. And it also provided me an opportunity to purcahse some of my favorite cherry wine.

Jay in particular appreciated being able to purchase beer he doesn't get to see every day, and for him this seemingly routine shopping stop was one of the most important elements of our visit to Wisconsin.

I was at first surprised that Jay was even buying beer at all, given the massive quantities of beer he already has at home. But by the next day I wouldn't be shaking my head at Jay anymore, becuase in the end I would buy way more than Jay! (More on that in a minute.)

While at Riley's I snapped up a couple of four packs of New Glarus Unplugged Enigma (2006). As I've said previously, this very special 2006 limited edition is my favorite beer ever, EVER. So, even though we were already planning on a visit to New Glarus on Sunday, I wasn't going to take any chances; I purchased two four packs.

We then drove back to our motel for some rest time... and to drink some of our new purchases. I think I fell asleep at some point with bad cable TV on while Jay was outside smoking cigars.

Around 8:00PM Jay and I finaly ventured out, jumping into a cab and heading downtown to capital square for a night on the town.

What happened next could be described in one of three ways, depending on who you ask:

   1. It was the cab driver's fault
   2. It was Jay's fault
   3. It was just meant to be

It all started when Jay engaged the hippie cab driver and asked him where we should go downtown for a good bite to eat. The driver didn't hesitate to suggest Great Dane, and at this suggestion Jay seemed uncomfortable. You see, Jay knew about Great Dane from its reputation as being one of the largest brewpubs in the United States. He had been silently hoping we would avoid this place altogether, for fear he would drink every beer they have. And that, of course, is exactly what would happen. (I'm getting ahead of myself.)

It turns out Great Dane is a popular family destination, with lots of children wearing uncomfortable sweaters and a 45+ minute wait for a table in the dining room. So, as inevitably always happens, Jay and I sit at the bar. [Cue ominous music]  The bartender comes over and Jay asks for a sampler. The bartender asks what beers we would like to sample and Jay replies, "All of them."

!

"No, Jay! Are you crazy?!! They brew 17 different beers here!"

But Jay was unswayed by my pleas, and moments later we were presented with a wooden tray holding 17 full sampler glasses.

Each glass held four ounces of beer. Now bear in mind that this is not the same as drinking 17x4oz of Budweiser. All but one of these beers was significantly alcoholic, and the fact that each was different from one another meant they would be especially potent in combination. We were in for quite a ride!

Desperate to protect myself from what would surely be a horrible shock to my stomach, I ordered the most disgusting hamburger I've ever seen (which I suppose probably just made things worse). Consider, if you will, the Great Dane "Bratwurst Bacon Cheddar Pretzel Burger:"

* 1/3 lb burger patty
* 1/4 lb bratwurst patty(!)
* lots of bacon
* very thick slice of melted Wisconsin cheddar(tm)
* thick, salty pretzel bun

Now, I wouldn't say this was a bad combination of ingredients so much as it was a counterweight to any health benefits I may have inadvertantly gained from running. Yum!

It was not easy making our way through all the beer in front of us. Some, like the Barristers' Brown Ale, was easy to drink. Others, like the barleywine, felt like shots of tequila.

(By the way, who really drinks barleywine anyway? Does anyone really need to get drunk on beer that badly? The stuff should be outlawed, I tells ya!)

Stumbling out of Great Dane at last, we made our way to The Local Tavern. This was not our ultimate destination, and we shouldn't have even gone in there. But we had our minds set on it because earlier in the day DeAnn told us that this was a bar in Madison where we could get Lake Louie served on draft. Of course, once we clumsily sat upon our bar stools at this non-descript yuppie bar the last thing on our minds was drinking Lake Louie; we had had too much beer already. So, ironic given my arguments with Jay about Goose Island and the fact that we had specifically come to Wisconsin to drink local beer, I ordered a glass of Goose Island -- I don't even remember which one! The bar was uncrowded and we were already quite drunk, so we settled in to nurse our beers and watch the third quarter of the Seahawks-Cowboys game. Seeing the Seahawks lose (so we thought) and seeing the evening slip away from us, we left our beer (and the game) unfinished as we shuffled off down the road.

Our final destination--and in fact our main reason for visiting Madison in the first place--was Maduro.

I cannot say enough things about this amazing place, and is certainly one of the top 5 bars I have ever been to in my life. Consider..

* a cigar bar that is not too smoky
* a traditional atmosphere that does not seem stuffy
* not fake or pretentious--unlike similar places in Chicago
* chill dub music playing softly in the background
* comfortable leather sofas
* cigars for sale at decent prices
* friendly, knowledgeable bartender

The appeal of Maduro for me was the best grappa selection I have ever seen in the United States. Most people don't like grappa; some describe it as tasting like motor oil. But I love the stuff, and was excited to taste whatever the bartender recommended. She got up on a very tall ladder and pulled something off the top shelf that ended up being way too advanced for my modest pallate. So I ended up ordering a glass of Marolo, which I combined with one of Jay's Rocky Patel cigars.

Perfect synergy!

It was finaly time to go home when I could no longer sit upright on the leather sofa. A few of other patrons laughed at me for not finishing my cigar, but it didn't matter. I had had my fun.

The next morning I woke up early. This was not because I wasn't hungover and not becuase I didn't need the sleep, but because my wonderful job (which I'm really not going to talk about) has trained my body to wake up early 7 days a week. Finaly tired of staring at the ceiling and listening to Jay snore, I put on my running clothes and attempted to jog to Lake Monona and back. Ha! Yeah, right.

Distance: 1.5 miles
Time: 16 minutes
Temperature: 29°F

I had my good shoes, my best cold weather running pants, and my hooded "Pug Life" sweatshirt. But of course I forgot my gloves. And I'm just not all that good in cold weather. So I never made it all the way to the lake. But at least I got my circulation going for a short while and also worked off a portion of the previous night's food and alcohol.

A couple of hours later we were on the road and on our way to New Glarus.

Our original plan had been to stay the night in New Glarus, but after Dana had to cancel due to work we changed our plans to stay the night in Madison and visit New Glarus on Sunday. The good news was that Dana was able to finish his work and join us in New Glarus, where he found us at the Sportsman's Bar & Grill playing pool and talking about..what else?..football. I tell you, nothing bring people together like good pizza w/ real cheese and hating the New England Patriots. (It was at the Sportman's Bar that we finaly found out that the Seahawks had beaten the Cowboys and that we had missed an amazing fourth quarter of football the previous night dammit!)

The New Glarus brewery itself was either fun or just OK, depending on how you look at it. Dana and I enjoyed the self-guided tour through the brewery, but we (especially Jay) felt let down that there wasn't a tap room on premesis.

Fortunatley they had a good gift shop.

  Dana on the self-guided tour

New Glarus is definitely a lot bigger than Lake Louie!

  This copper brewkettle was rescued from the scrap pile in Germany

  I enjoyed walking around with nobody there!

While Jay complained to the gift shop clerk about the lack of a tap room and Dana browsed the souveniers, I noticed off in the corner.... Enigma!!

So I grabbed an entire case and put it up on the counter. Suddenly, all conversation stopped and everyone just looked at me. Even Jay was astounded that I was purchasing this much. But what can I say? I love the stuff.

At this point you're probably thinking, OK, that's all the beer they are going to see this weekend. Well, not quite. Jay, still dissappointd at the lack of a tap room at New Glarus, suggested that we visit one more brewery: Tyranena.

Located east of Madison on the way to Milwaukee, Tyranena is a cool microbrewery that I had never heard of. They weren't conducting tours on Sunday, but fortunately for us they did have a nice tap room where got to hang out, drink beer, and watch..what else?..more football.

Jay ordered another sampler tray, which Dana and I also shared. But I have to admit that by this point I was so sick of beer that I didn't even order a glass of my own. Instead I enjoyed the Tyranena root beer. The stuff is made on premesis and is actually quite good. Mostly it was nice to just hang out with my buddies before returning home. A perfect end to a fun weekend.

January sucks. Roadtrip!

2007-01-05T12:58:00.000-06:00

What do Lake Louie, Spotted Cow, a swiss chalet, and a downtown cigar bar have in common?

They are all destinations on my weekend Wisconsin Beer Roadtrip!

Accompanied by Jay and Dana I will be visiting:

We'll be staying at the fabulous Chalet Landhaus, home of the guys who blow those big horns and say "RI-COLA!.."

My goal for this weekend, other than to escape the January blahs, is to purchase some of the elusive New Glarus Unplugged Enigma. The 2006 is one of the best beers I have ever tasted, but it is unavailable in Illinois and is already out of production. So I plan to purchase as much as I can carry to get me through the winter blahs.

So I'll be offline this weekend but will check back in Sunday night or Monday morning.

Note to my central-Wisconsin readers: My friends and I will be at the Maduro Cigar Bar in Madison (next to the capitol square) after 8PM this Saturday night if you'd like to stop by for a drink.

Looking Towards the 2007 Chicago Running Season

2007-01-04T07:53:00.000-06:00

Hey there, campers! Did we all have a fun New Years Eve? I myself had a good time, thanks to Firefly, Running Jayhawk, Out of Shape Guy, Jason and Leah, and of course Phog.

Photos by Firefly

Now it's Thursday and I'm finally back at work. *Groan!* Best not to think about it.

Instead I'm focusing my energies on preparing for the 2007 Chicago running season, starting with....

I'm all signed up! Are you? I can't imagine anyone would want to miss the opportunity to run on cold, wet pavement and drink light beer at the finish line.

What's that, you say? You haven't signed up yet? Good God, man! Hurry up and register for the Shamrock Shuffle right now.

I'll wait.

...

All set? Good.

Now let's talk about 2007.

I officially kicked off my 8K training yesterday with my first outdoor run of the year, accompanied by Jeanne.

Distance: 2.98 miles
Time: 35:00
Pace: 11:58/mile

I know, I know, nothing to write home about. We had decided to take it easy, since Jeanne and I both have old injuries. And we were also slowed down by wind resistence and darkness.

Jeanne (and possibly Jay) will be accompanying me this Saturday for my first long run of 2007. My goal will be to do four miles without hurting myself.

Here is my plan for the coming year...

Winter

Train individually at slow recovery pace. 2-3 days per week in the gym and 1-2 days outdoors (including one weekly long run).

training pace: 10:00-13:00/mile
goal #1: Set 5K PR of 35 minutes at the Lou Pinella 5K
goal #2: Beat 8K PR of 45 minutes at the Shamrock Shuffle
obstacles: Frostbite, lack of enthusiasm, bad elevator music at gym

Spring

Jeanne and I are organizing a half marathon spring training group open to anyone interested in doing Saturday long runs at a 10:00-11:00 pace. Leave a comment on mine or Jeanne's blog if interested.

In addition to the weekend long runs, I plan on doing lots of indoor cross-training at the gym and at least two midweek days per week running outdoors (including Wednesday evening speed training at Chase Park in Ravenswood).

training pace: 10:30/mile (long runs), 10:00/mile (mid-week), 8:00 (speed training)
goal #1: Drink and run with distinction at the Indianapolis Mini-Marathon.
goal #2: Excel as a member of the yet-to-be-named team at the Great Midwest Relay. Try not to get kicked out of van.
obstacles: voices in my head

Summer-Fall

If I have managed by this point to avoid injury, it's time to train for the big one, el gordo: the 2007 Chicago Freakin Marathon. (Note that at the time of this posting a lump is already forming in my throat.)

How I train this year depends entirely on how my knee holds out. I'm already feeling some pain even from my recent short runs. Hopefully stretching and icing will keep the pain in check and regular cross-training will relieve the pressure on my IT band (and thus my patellar tendon). My training goals for the summer will thus depend on my condition. Here is my most optimistic assessment:

training pace: 9:30/mile
goal #1: Beat my marathon PR from last year of 5:15
goal #2: Beat Oprah's marathon time of 4:35
obstacles: patellar tendonitis

And that's my plan for this year. Comments, suggestions, and encouragement are appreciated.

Good luck out there, everybody!

New Years Eve at Small Bar

2006-12-31T22:53:00.001-06:00

Running Jayhawk and Firefly on New Years Eve

Post-Christmas Update

2006-12-29T09:34:00.000-06:00

Hi, everybody! Happy Aren't-you-glad-Christmas-is-Over!

I got all kinds of cool gifts this year. Surprisingly none of them were food-related this year and many were directly related to my physical fitness. (Thanks especially to JB and JP!)

The only two gifts to my waistline this holiday season were:

1) an invitation to the Peterson family Christmas dinner.

OMG, fantastic wine, fish baked in a parchment paper pouch w/ vegetables, and the best risotto I've ever had!

2) a very rare bottle of Unibroue Quelque Chose from Jay. Wow!

I enjoyed this special brew with some of my famous bachelor home cooking. Pictured here is my dinner of bok choy fried in garlic and sesame oil with onion and Vietnamese spicy pork roll, and also my 19 herb fried chicken. Well worth the extra hour I'll need to spend on the treadmill.

I had a lot more I wanted to post this morning, but I just got handed a pile of work with the potential to get me into trouble. So I have to skeedaddle now.

Happy Post-Holidays everybody!

Beta Blogger Sucks

2006-12-26T08:14:00.000-06:00

As you can see, I have relocated my blog off of my website and over to Blogspot. This sudden move was a desperate necessity.

As many of you fellow bloggers may be aware, Beta Blogger sucks ass. In my case it will no longer allow me to publish my blog to my website due to FTP related issues.

The following paragraph contains boring technical information:

My problem is that my ISP uses vDeck for host management. So do a lot of other providers. The old Blogger was able to FTP to vDeck servers just fine, but the new crappy Blogger cannot. There are thousands of us out there with the same problem and Blogger doesn't seem to care -- it's not even listed officially as a known issue. Now Blogger employees have gone away on Christmas vacation and my hosting provider Startlogic is no longer picking up their phone. I did manage to LiveChat with some dude in India who misspelled the word "password." Kinda depressed about this. My problem is that my ISP uses vDeck for host management. So do a lot of other providers. The old Blogger was able to FTP to vDeck servers just fine, but the new crappy Blogger cannot.

Neither Blogger, my hosting provider, nor vDeck have been of any help. The hell with it.

So it looks like my blog will be in this location from now on. Regular readers will need to fix their bookmarks and RSS/Atom/XML/FeedBurner subscriptions may not work. Sorry. Please be patient while I update my blog to function in this new environment.

By the way, the new telephone I purchased at Costco in the previous post is already on the fritz and will have to be returned to the store.

very frustrated

My faith in technology these days is not so good.

Holiday Grocery Shopping Tips

2006-12-20T07:44:00.000-06:00

It's better to ride your bicycle to Costco instead of driving. That way you will only purchase what you can carry.

This particular shopping cart includes: a giant bottle of salsa, bulk soy sauce, bulk tofu, bulk Boca Burgers, fancy red wine, and a new 5.8GHz telephone. Everything I need to survive the holidays. All for under $100.

(I resisted the urge to purchase a pie. Trying to slim down ya know.)

Speaking of holiday grocery shopping, doesn't Sadie resemble a plump Christmas turkey?

This little roaster is staying inside this holiday season, as two of my friends have already threatened to eat her.

(Yeah, I'm talking about you JB and JL.)

Happy Holidays everybody!

Now bake me a pie!

Sorry, everyone. I don't know where that came from.

Photo Update

2006-12-17T10:15:00.000-06:00

A number of people lately have asked me "What's new?"

The answer is, not much. Life is pretty much routine. Same drama at work, same adventures with my friends and rotating cast of pug dogs. I've been working out a lot more lately and improving my diet, but that's about all that's new. Some exciting things will be happening to me in 2007 but I don't have anything to say about that yet.

In the meantime, here are some photos that show my regular routine:

Jay and I finally get around to drinking those last two lambics we didn't finish at the Alcoholics Reunion Party (see earlier post). Mmmmmm... Oude Kriek....

With JB out of town last week I once again had custody of all three pugs. Never a dull moment, believe me!

Here's a rare day of me actually dressed up for work. Not that it mattered.

Drinking Fat Tire, just to piss off Jay.

Finally found a new source for t'ef injera. Now I can once again attempt to cook Ethiopian cuisine. Anyone for Josh's embarassingly spicy lentils?

Jill & Eli: the tallest couple I know

This morning after another successful workout on the elpitical

Distance: 5 miles
Time: 42 minutes
Calories: 582

So, that's what's going on with me these days.

Happy Holidays everybody!!

Secrets and Myths

2006-12-13T06:44:00.000-06:00

Today's post begin's with a word about secrets, specifically your secrets.

Due to recent requests as well as the current "big brother" situation in the world today (Dick Cheney actively reads my blog) I have decided to institute a privacy policy for Full Metal Lunchbox (my blog), Pugpaw.com (my site), and all other places where I post information.

Here it is:

Privacy Policy

1. I wont mention your last name unless you are on TV and even then only if it's a show I hate. (For example, I won't keep secrets for Keither Sutherland.)
2. Upon request, I wont mention your first name either, but only if you supply me with a nickname by which I can refer to you.
3. I've booked a guest suite in Dick Cheney's secret mountain. Anyone care to join me?

It will take me a month or so to completely comb through my blog, site, online photo and movie accounts, MySpace etc. to make sure that your private information is removed. Please be patient. If come February 2007 you see something with your name on it on any of my sites that shouldn't be there please let me know.

Speaking of secrets, I'm not going to reveal the name of the dear friend who sent me the e-mail about the PIN number reversal myth, for I have no desire to cause embarassment to anyone I care about. But that e-mail did get me thinking about Internet myths. You know what I'm talking about right? These plausable faulsehoods seem to have a life of their own. For example, to this very day I still sometimes get e-mails from well-meaning loved ones telling me that Bill Gates will give me $100 if I send him a letter.

So, as a service to the public, I present to you top 25 Internet Urban Legends, courtesy of Snopes.com

Top 25 Internet Urban Legends

ATM Reverse PIN Panic Code

E-mail claims that entering one's PIN in reverse at any ATM will summon the police.

Invitation Virus

E-mail warns about Invitation (or Olympic Torch) computer virus.

UPS Uniform Warning

E-mail warns that terrorists have acquired UPS uniforms.

Osama bin Laden Virus

E-mailed computer virus claims Osama bin Laden has been captured or hanged.

Ashley Flores

Missing child alert: Ashley Flores.

Cell Phone Directory and Telemarketers

E-mail claims users must sign up with the national Do Not Call list to prevent telemarketers from calling their cell phones.

Applebee's Gift Certificates

E-mail claims Applebee's restaurants are giving away free gift certificates.

Life Is Beautiful

Warning about the "Life Is Beautiful" PowerPoint-based computer virus.

Bill Gates / Microsoft / AOL Giveaway

E-mail claims Bill Gates, Microsoft and AOL are giving away cash and merchandise to those who forward an e-mail message.

Target Stores

E-mail claims Target stores do not support veterans.

Slow Dance / Amy Bruce

Amy Bruce, a terminally ill young girl, writes "Slow Dance" poem.

Ben Stein's Confessions for the Holidays

Actor/writer Ben Stein's commentary on the observance of Christmas.

Starbucks

E-mail claims Starbucks refused to send free coffee to G.I.s serving in Iraq.

Carjacking

E-mail describes parking lot carjackers who place flyers on cars' rear windows.

Gift Card Scam

E-mail warns about scammers' stealing value from gift cards.

Citgo Buycott / Boycott

E-mails urge Americans to buy/not buy gasoline from Citgo or Petro Express stations.

Social Security Petition

E-mail petition advocates denying U.S. social services to non-citizens.

Fantastic Machine

Video clip shows music-playing "farm machine" built at the University of Iowa.

Zicam

E-mail describes consumer's experiencing a loss of smell after using Zicam brand cold remedy.

Excise Tax Credit

Special one-time federal excise tax credit rebates tax overpayment on phone bills.

Let's Say Thanks

The Xerox web site LetsSayThanks.com allows the public to send free personalized postcards to U.S. troops serving overseas.

Lead in Lipstick

E-mail warns that several major brands of lipstick contain dangerous levels of lead.

Jury Duty Scam

E-mail warns about jury duty phone scam perpetrated by identity thieves.

Andy Rooney

E-mail offers transcript of 60 Minutes commentator Andy Rooney's explaining his political views.

Andrea Montoya

Missing child: Andrea Montoya

I hope all this has been helpful.

And to the many of you who continue to flood my in-box with urban legends, don't worry. Your secret is safe with me.

Alcoholics Reunion Party

2006-12-09T10:24:00.000-06:00

Some of you might think that I'm all business here at pugpaw.com. But all work and no play makes Josh yadda yadda yadda. Fortunately beer has the magic power to turn a not-quite workaholic into a not-quite alcoholic. Here's how it goes:

The stage is set with a visit to Liquor Stop, a beer lover's heaven in the middle of NW Indiana hell.

As you can see here, our shopping trip left Jay with a fridge full of beer. The situation was desperate -- where to put all this stuff? Fortunately Jay had a plan: the Alcoholics Reunion Party.

The idea was simple enough. All we had to do was drink up Jay's overstock from the past year. What we didn't count on is that Jay is highly organized when it comes to drinking beer.

Here is Jay's beer agenda for the evening. This photo was taken halfway through the 18 beers we had to sample, and you can see my crazy handwritten notes.

Let me tell you something: you really learn a lot about a bunch of guys when you sit them at the table and make them drink that much beer! But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The first few rounds went pretty well. Jay started us out with some nice ales before moving us on to some flavorful IPA's. The conversation was pleasant and for the first 7 rounds it was like any other night drinking with my co-workers. We made fun of management, told off-color jokes, the usual guy talk. Good times.

I think it was about the time we got to the Brouwerij Huyghe Delirium Noel (1 year old) that each of us gradually started to become unglued. I started to lose my focus and instead of writing down tasting notes I started to transcribe random gibberish, such as this exchange between Jay and Brian:

Jay: "It's really good for you to communicate with your senses."
Brian: "Whoa, that's like Vince Vaughn broke up with Jennifer Aniston... oh, shit!"

Meanwhile Weyerbacher's Insanity Barley Wine lived up to it's name with an 11% ABV content! By the time we got to the Yeti Imperial Stout our conversation had completely lost its structure.

Here's what that looked like:

And believe me, that's tame compared to what I'm NOT going to include here (including the infamous "North Korea" incident).

Fortunately heavy drinking doesn't require intelligent conversation.

Just some beer and a dream.

(Gosh, I'm getting a bit misty-eyed here. I'm the sentimental type.)

Eventually the emergency relief alcoholics showed up to help us make it through our list, but it was too late. The environment was already saturated with alcohol and there was nothing more we could do.

Our final beer was Lost Abbey Avant Garde Ale. Joe put it best when he remarked, "It smells like wet diapers." And that it did. And that's where we ended our evening.

In the end we only made it through 16 of the 18 beers on Jay's agenda. But considering that most of us were lightweights and not real alcoholics, I still think that's pretty impressive.

Manh was nice enough to drive me home in his Audi (heated seats!) and by the time I got home the hangover had already set in. It was a vicious, mean, relentless college-style hangover that made it difficult to climb the stairs to my apartment--not to mention deal with three excitable dogs. But after a nice drunken phone call with someone special and four aspirin and something like 64oz of water I was able to get to sleep. I woke up this morning feeling just fine.

Lesson's Learned:

Don't pretend to be a hard drinker if you're not -- unless it's fun.
Make friends with people who seriously collect rare beer.
In wintertime it's good to get a ride home with the dude with the heated seats.
Barley Wine no no no no no.
Jokes about North Korea aren't cool.
When in doubt trust your instincts: a greasy burrito really does help.

I hope you will all learn something from my experience.

Note that the video included above was not fully processed by YouTube at the time of this posting. If you don't see it, try back later.

DNF

2006-12-05T07:00:00.000-06:00

Well, I didn't chicken out. And the weather was nice (40°F sunny). And I was psyched. But I still failed to complete the Tecumseh Trail Marathon. Here's my race report:

pre-start: Shea and I ride the school bus to the starting line pumped full of enthusiasm and carbohydrates, talking excitedly about our 2007 race calendars. We're so awesomely cool and ready for anything. (The preceding sentence is an example of foreshadowing.)

Mile 0-2: After a delayed start, Shea and I head into the forest amidst hundreds of crazy trail runners--many of whom are wearing shorts and funny outfits dispite the cold. At this point it was fun to jump over branches, splash through puddles, and skid through mud. But this mood would change.

Mile 2: "You go ahead, Shea, I'll be right behind you." (yeah, right)

Mile 3: The mud gets thick, the trail narrow, and the terrain hilly--and it stays that way for most of the rest of the way. My undertraining since the Chicago Marathon becomes evident as I increasingly spend more time walking than running. Gradually I am passed by everyone else in the race, including the little old ladies at the end. But the final humiliation came when Adam the course sweeper caught up with me, walking a brisk 16:00/mile pace. Adam's job was to point out to anyone slower than him that they were in danger of disqualification - that meant me. There would be no stopping now, except for occasional water and snacks.

Miles 3-12: Lots and lots of mud! I had to use muscles I didn't know I had to deal with the gloopy, hilly terrain. Running became impossible and all I could do was try to keep up with Adam's fast hiking pace. No time to admire the scenery. All of my concentration was focused on avoiding hazards and spending as little time as possible in the water.

Miles 12-16: Flooding forced the course to re-route onto local roads. Suddenly the danger wasn't from nature but rather oncoming traffic! Finaly, this flat fast terrain was to give me an opportunity to pick up the pace and run to make up for lost time. Unfortunately, my hip flexors were already shot from the muddy hills and all I could manage was a painful shuffle.

Mile 16: Fuck this shit. Not worth it. DNF at the mile 16 water stop, where I eventually got a lift to the finish line from sympathetic locals.

Distance: 16 miles
Clock Time: 4:29

Shea also had a rough time, but unlike me he was strong enough to finish. In fact, he managed it in under 6 hours! Way to go, Shea!!!

Everyone who managed to finish looked pretty horrible by the time they came through the chute, so I can at least take comfort in the fact that I dropped out of a tough race.

Overall, I have to give very high marks to the Tecumseh Trail Marathon. The volunteers are the nicest and most dedicated I have ever seen - I could tell they all were thrilled to be there. So I will definitely return to Indiana to try again, but not until I spend at least 300 hours in the gym working on some neglected muscle groups.

Meanwhile, now that my last race of the year is over, and spring training is a few months away, it's time for me to begin my winter diet. I don't have much weight to lose (perhaps 10 pounds) but I do need to firm my flab and get my dietary habits under control. My goal is to be a lean machine in time for the 2007 Shamrock Shuffle.

Attention Chicago-area runners: Mark your calendar for Josh's 2007 Shamrock Shuffle After-Party, featuring beer that is way better than what they serve at the race and also the famous Full Metal Lunchbox VitaminWater Cocktails! Special guest: Gumballhead the Cat.

2006-12-02T07:51:00.000-06:00

We're fucking nuts.

Baby It's Cold Outside

2006-12-01T05:34:00.000-06:00

Like clockwork my body woke up this morning at exactly the same time it normally does when I go to work. But today I'm getting on a train to head downstate, and then over to Bloomington.

Which is funny, because it's all kinds of winter outside my window. Snow AND thunder!? Is this the apocalypse?

The purpose of my riding Amtrak during a blizzard is none other than the Tecumseh Trail Marathon. At this point the question is no longer "Why am I doing this?" but rather "Is there any hope!?"

Part of me hopes that the weather is so bad that I'll be forced to hole up in my motel room with Kathleen & Shea and perhaps some bad cable TV. But so far it looks like the show will go on:

Weather Notice 11/30/06
The Tecumseh Trail Marathon and Yellowwood Lake Fun Run will continue as scheduled. We understand the forecast is lousy for Friday. Considering the commitment of time and money that participants and volunteers have made, the race will continue as planned. We have contingency plans for potentially flooded areas. Saturday's forecast looks comparatively pleasant. Come ready to be flexible and knowing the trail will be wet. Please travel carefully!

So, there you have it.

The race trail is located in a part of Indiana that is very "Blair Witch Project," so I may be out of contact for a few days. If I am eaten by bears, please put something funny on my tombstone.

Special thanks to DH, JB, JL, JP, and others who encouraged me to chicken out. I'm serious when I say this is the only race I'm entering where that's completely appropriate advice!

See you on Monday everybody! (There I go being optimistic again.)

Staying Up Late

2006-11-28T06:45:00.000-06:00

Did anyone else have trouble sleeping last night?

I've heard from several people last night who were up too late, too early, or both. One person I know decided to combine alcohol and housecleaning. Another went to bed right after finishing work at 7PM, only to awaken at 2:30 in the morning thinking "Now what?"

In my case it was a combination of circumstances. First I procrastinated my nap, causing me to sleep until late in the evening. Then, upon returning from my procrastinated workout, drank a bottle of Monk's Flemish Sour Red Ale. I haven't had this beer in a while and, in addition to it being tasteless cheap swill, it caused an allergic reaction that kept me dehydrated and staring at the ceiling last night. Some beers do that to me, but I never know which ones until I try them.

So I was up late last night and up early this morning. Oh, well.

At least I made use of the extra time this morning and rode my bike to work. (I need the exercise, and it usually only takes me 10 minutes longer to bike to work than to take the train. But I'm generally running late or too lazy.) It was nice seeing the city's giant Christmas tree in Daley plaza before sunrise without any people around.

Lessons learned:

1. Don't drink cheap Belgian ale. Spring for the good stuff.
2. 4PM is too late in the day to nap, no matter what your schedule.
3. Alcohol + housework? Sure, why not! (Dedicated to DH.)
4. Working too much? Staying up late is the cure. (Dedicated to LF.)

Tonight I'm on the midnight shift again, as my regularly scheduled 3rd shift co-worker again will be disappearing for mysterious reasons. So anyone who can't sleep tonight can call me after 11:30PM.

Special Guest Pug: Breeze

2006-11-19T20:21:00.000-06:00

This weekend I had a very special guest pug stay with me for the first time: Breeze. It's her fault that I had to blow off some cool people this past Friday night. Sorry guys! :(

Breeze normally stays with Justyna because she (Breeze, not Justyna) is very anti-social. She hates you, me, and pretty much everyone you know. But being the good divorced pug dad I am I spoiled her rotten and we got along splendid. She even sat on my lap and let me pet her while I drank whiskey.

Before leaving me tonight, Breeze asked me to relay this message to all of you:

Woof! I hate you all. Don't even try to pet me unless you are female and speak only in soothing tones, and then perhaps I'll let you touch my head for 5 minutes. Give me food. Why do all you people listen to Radiohead? It's so boring! Tell Josh never to play "Hello Computer" ever again. Now get away from me. Woof AROOOO!

Now it's just Sadie and I, relaxing together before I have to go to work in a few hours. Yeah, that's right I'm working the midnight shift tonight. But at least that gives me all day tomorrow to do what I like--which will probably involve all kinds of sleep.

Here's what I just had for dinner: omelet (with marinated peppers, artichokes, hareesa, and provolone cheese), doritos, and bottle of New Glarus (Unplugged) Enigma. Ah, the life of a bachelor!

P.S. None of photos from the housewarming party are suitable for publication in this blog, or anywhere. I guess you had to be here.

Misc. Photos

2006-11-15T05:17:00.000-06:00

The housewarming party was a big success.  Thanks for everyone who stopped by!

I don't have any pictures from the big party, yet.  But I felt like posting some kind of photos to my blog, so here are some random snapshots.

Here's one more marathon photo.

(Cue corny music)
I'll cherish the memories forever.

  new leather chair

  leaving my messy bedroom behind for an evening out

  Sadie relaxing in a basket of warm laundry...

  ...and with the morning newspaper.

Appologies to all my RBF friends reading this blog, but I still don't have any running-related news to report.  I've only run once since the Chicago Marathon, and Tecumseh is looming dangerously closer.  I'm so under-prepared that it's kinda funny.

At least I worked the midnight shift last night, so I'll have all day to procrastinate before I eventually get around to jogging over to the gym.  I don't have the best workout discipline, but it helps that my new gym is directly across the street from the Hopleaf.

--

P.S. I almost forgot to mention that I do have one bit of running news.

On Sunday evening, just as I was feeling depressed after the departure of my out of town guests, I got a phone call from none other than Running Jayhawk inviting me to join her team for next year's Great Midwestern Relay.  I'm flattered to be invited along, even though this team doesn't have a name yet.  The map makes this particular race look daunting at first glance, but unlike Tecumseh:

it's a relay (so I wont have to run far)
it's on pavement (so I wont get lost in the woods or shot at--probably)
it's a long way's off (so I have time to procrastinate training)
the finish line is 5 blocks from my apartment!
there is almost certainly beer involved!

In fact, looking at my evolving calendar for the coming year, every race I've signed up for so far is going to involve alcohol--and that includes next year's Chicago Marathon. Hmmm... I guess it's good that my new gym is across from the Hopleaf. Cross training!!!

Drugs Are Bad

2006-11-11T01:41:00.000-06:00

I'm having a housewarming party Saturday night at 8PM.  To make sure I'm well rested, I turned my phone off and went to bed last night at 9PM.  (This was necessary since my body is accustomed to waking up at 4AM each morning.)

At 12:30AM I was awakened by the door buzzer.  It was my retarded friend, showing up for the party 19 1/2 hours early!

It's been an hour and I still can't get back to sleep.  Damn it.

So, to my friend who shall remain nameless, I dedicate the following public service announcement:

Let that be a warning to the rest of you.

Back in Training

2006-11-10T08:20:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was a great day to resume my marathon training. Though I've allowed myself to fall miserably out of shape since the Chicago Marathon, I'm gung ho about getting in even deeper over my head this time.

Distance: 3 miles
Avg. Pace: 11:18/mile

Not bad for my first run since the Chicago Marathon two weeks ago, no?

Soon it will be time for the Tecumseh Trail Marathon!

My primary goal for Tecumseh on December 2 is to finish dead last. My secondary goal is to not get shot by deer hunters.

I'll be running with Shea (faster time) and Kathleen (shorter distance) and Borris (my imaginary friend that only I can see).

Nancy Pelosi Kicks Ass (also Josh's Return to Running)

2006-11-08T10:43:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking since I got up this morning about how best to blog about yesterday's election.  So much to say.  So much to gloat.

One might think that I would be reserving my best "nyah, nyahs" for my humiliated republican friends.  But no, I can't bring myself to do that.  At least republicans (many of them, anyway) have principles they stick to, and I respect that.

The target of my wrath today is John Kerry, Hillary Clinton, and all of you other "democrats" who stood behind Bush and allowed him to launch his stupid war.  This gloat is for you.

Come on, don't deny it.  Lots of you (I'm talking to the American electorate here) were originally for the war that has resulted in nearly 3000 American fatalities and anywhere from 70,000 - 900,000+ Iraqi civilian deaths (depending on whose statistics you believe**).  You believed Bush and Cheney and Rove and those other jerks when they lied and told you that Saddam had nukes and was partially responsible for September 11.

Come on now! What were you people thinking?

Fortunately, judging from yesterday's results, you (the American electorate) have at least partially come to your senses and sent many of Bush's oil-loving, gay-bashing, women-hating bastardos on the run.

We have new democrats now who aren't as stupid as J. Kerry and H. Clinton.  Thank God.

Leading the charge is Nancy Pelosi, who is now poised to become the first ever female Speaker of the House!

So long, Dennis Hastert! You can go home to Peoria now, duct tape your windows, and await further instructions!

--

Ah, that felt good to get off my chest.

By now all of my republican readers have stopped reading and have removed my blog from their sitefeeds.

And my runner readers are probably wondering why they still read my blog at all.  But for you, at least, I have news.

Starting tomorrow I will resume my marathon training.

My motivation is Dean Karnazes, who as some of you know just completed running 50 marathons in 50 days.  One of Dean's marathon days was at Tecumseh, where he ran the same course I'll be undertaking with Shea next month at The Tecumseh Trail Marathon.

Dean writes:

Hardcore. ... Along with the 3,500 feet of climbing, most of the course was on technical single-track trail, with numerous stream crossings, hordes of logs and branches to climb over and navigate around, deep pocket of mud, slippery rocks, and gnarled tree roots hiding silently under thick canopies of fallen leaves.

The switchbacks were difficult to follow, and if you looked up for a trail marker, it was easy to stumble and fall, which many people did, including yours truly (multiple times, in fact). A lot of the runners were cut and scratched from falling or getting snagged on the thorny bushes that we passed through. I’ve spent some time on the trails over the years, and this trail run was as challenging as any.

Shit. I'm nowhere near ready!

So tomorrow I'll be hitting the road again.

(And keeping my mouth shut about politics for a while.)

** The higher figure of 900,000+ civilian Iraqi deaths comes from an exhaustive study by the British medical journal The Lancet. Some critics have contended that the stastical methods employed in the article might have produced an exaggerated death toll. Others have suggested that the actual death toll is even higher. I dunno.

DJ Sadie (and Disco W)

2006-10-31T09:29:00.000-06:00

  Sadie supports Mayor-for-Life Daley.

  DJ Sadie!

  Dear Leader invited me
  to a disco party after the marathon.

Congratulations Jay!

2006-10-27T11:06:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to Jay for completing the Lou Pinella 5K!

Birthday Post Marathon

2006-10-24T10:47:00.000-05:00

Shea and I lying around, two days after the marathon.  Note the sleeping doggie at the end of the mattress.  Surfing the Internet is about all we can do without discomfort.  Fortunately we have Shea's lovely wife Kathleen to run to Sun Wah for some Hong Kong roast pork and pei par duck.

This will be my most relaxing birthday ever.

Agenda for the rest of the day...

noonish: More South Park on the TV while we eat Chinese roasted meat and down spicy ginger ale

later: Trip to Linens & Things to buy a kitchen table and chairs.  Or maybe just a nap.

later: Nap time!

5:30PM: Friends over for beer, etc.

6:30PM: Dinner at Tank Noodle with special birthday beer from Jay.

8:00PM: Drinks at Uptown Lounge  Stop by and say hello if you are in the area.  The DJ will likely be spinning retro 80's music tonight, but please don't let that frighten you.

Shea & Kathleen return to Champaign tomorrow.  But I still have another day off.  So I'll be lonely, but well-rested.

I return to work on Thursday.  Hopefully I'll be able to go up and down stairs by then.

Chicago Marathon 2006

2006-10-23T05:40:00.000-05:00

I finished in 5:14:57.

Not as good as planned (and substantially slower than Oprah) but I did manage to avoid further injury.

Intead of the usual race report, I'm just going to give props...

To Shea for going early with me to get a good spot near the starting line.  Shea is also responsible for bolstering my pride with his example.  Pride is all that got me through this race.

To Justyna for introducing me to the sport of running.  Justyna stubbornly believed that this couch potato would make a good runner, and the message finaly got through.  Special thanks also to Justyna for running several miles with me during the critical middle portion of the course--and for carrying my chocolate!

To my mom for more things than I can list!  But mostly for being there on 35th Street when I was starting to crack.

To Muriel for surprising me with a big hug at 35th and Michigan when I needed it most.  This was the turning point for me.  I owe you a drink.

To Alyx, Darryn, Nada, and Kathleen for coming out to Mile 16.  Your good cheer made me forget about my cramping.

To everyone else who came out to watch me but I didn't see and to the legions of friends who tracked my progress online.  Thanks for believing in me.

To the people of Pilsen for being the world's best marathon spectators.  Each one of you is worth at least 100 screaming Lincoln Park yuppies.  And you were the only ones with good music.  Si se puede!!

To Barb and Mike for putting a human face on this intimidating massochistic sport (and for running at the same speed I do!).

To Leah & Jason for introducing me to weird and wonderful world of runner blogging--and for showing me that there is always next year!  When I grow up, I want to be just like you two.

To Ted for joining me at 31st Street and coaxing me across the finish line.

To Jay for bringing a 40oz bottle of Colt 45 malt liquor to the finish line.  Refreshing!!!

And to Jeanne.  For everything else.  I could not have done this without you.

--

It's early Monday morning, the day after my first marathon.  I'm awake now because my dog was insisting that I feed her the dinner I was too tired to scoop into her bowl last night.

To any of the Chicago Running Blog CRU reading this, I'm sorry Shea & I were so antisocial yesterday.  We both had tough races, and talking took a back seat to beer drinking.  Special appologies to Barb for my stealing the bacon off your uneaten burger.

I'm going to go back to sleep now.  I have a big day ahead of me of doing absolutely nothing.  Later I might order a pizza and enjoy some da ma (inside joke for Jay and Justyna) and watch the entire season 10 of South Park I have stored on my media player.

My motto for the next three days I'm off work: "What would Cartman do?"

Tomorrow I turn 38 years old.

--

Postscript:  I have just received word that I'll be joining the prestigious "Buffalo Warriors" team at the 2007 River to River relay race on 4/21/2007.  What a honor to hear of this the day after my first marathon!  I'm also in the process of assembling a running/walking/drinking team for the 2007 Shamrock Shuffle.  I'm already excited about next year's running season!!

Night Before My First Marathon

2006-10-21T17:12:00.000-05:00

Do you know the feeling of when you are at the top of a roller coaster, about to take the big plunge, and you wonder what the hell you were thinking?

Yeah, it's just like that!

Best of luck to my fellow marathoners!!!

Weather Forecast for the Chicago Marathon

2006-10-19T11:12:00.000-05:00

Good news, everyone!

The weather forecast for this Sunday has changed again. Things are looking up!

Josh 2.0: Geekier Than Ever

2006-10-18T07:48:00.001-05:00

My new ukulele has arrived!

Hold on, ladies, there's enough of me for everybody!!

Bib #27407

2006-10-17T10:22:00.000-05:00

Happy tapering, everybody!

Just a few more days until the big race.  Are we all ready to run in the rain?  Does everyone have a strategy?

My race day strategy (borrowed from Shea) is called "commuting."  The idea behind commuting is that you run the race you are trained for and commute (i.e. maintain a slow pace) until you get there.  In my case, I only trained for a 15 mile race (due to my injury); so my plan will be to commute my first 11 miles and then run the remaining distance at my best Oprah-beating effort.

Look for me on Friday (around lunchtime) at the marathon expo.  I'll be there with my mom buying packets of gel and engaging in people watching.

Look for me on Sunday.  I'll be running on the right side of the street.  If I seem distracted early on, it's because I'm "commuting."

Onion Rings with Kathleen

2006-10-13T13:29:00.000-05:00

Manhattans and onion rings with Kathleen. Champaign, Illinois.

Josh's Marathon: the Fashion

2006-10-11T08:16:00.000-05:00

My marathon shirt has finaly arrived!

front

back

Way better than what Oprah wore, no?

(Did you notice that the cat is carrying a little lunchbox?)

I'm back!

2006-10-09T15:36:00.000-05:00

..and ready to kick Oprah's ass!

Distance:  10 miles
Average Pace:  9:55/mile

You HEAR that Oprah?!  That's the sound of me coming up fast behind you.

I'm going to BEAT your marathon time!  Gonna leave you in my dust!

Gonna leave you CRYING on Steadman's shoulder, "Waah! That bald geek with the bum knee ran faster than me!"

I gotta go to physical therapy now.

2006-10-04T08:30:00.000-05:00

Hi, everybody!  Just a quick update to let you know that I'm still alive and happy and walking with less of a limp each day.

Sorry I haven't updated my blog very often lately.  I'm still working a lot of overtime and haven't done anything all that interesting of late.  My apartment is still messy, but I'm gradually unpacking and organizing.  I bought a big bottle of Kettle One at Costco, so now I definitely have to finish setting up my bachelor pad so I can have you all over for a drink.

[Advertisement:  Readers of this blog may redeem this post for one free shot of Kettle One at Josh's place.  If you can find it.  And if Josh is home.  (Offer void in the NW suburbs and where prohibited by your inhibitions.)]

By the way, many people have asked me lately if I'm still planning on running in the marathon.  The answer is YES.

You can cheer me on by registering at The Runner Update Network to get text message alerts to your phone tracking my progress.

The next few weeks will be busy, so I don't know how much time I'll have to blog post.  But please know that I am thinking of every single one of you.

Yes, even you.  Yes you, the one sitting at their computer right now.  Even you.

Stolen Bike, Shopping Therapy

2006-09-27T13:47:00.000-05:00

My bike was stolen from outside my work yesterday.

It was good bike, one that I had only owned for less than three years.  It had been a gift from my father.

But rather than mope home and feel sorry for myself, I decided to administer a course of shopping therapy.  The theory is that when life gives you lemons, go out and buy lots of super-expensive lemon-themed accessories.  Works for me.

My first stop was a used clothing store.  The Lincoln Park location of this particular shop allows one to buy lots of fancy garments at wino prices.  And because these kind of stores are mostly frequented by women, the men's section is never picked clean and always has a great selection.  That's why I'm not going to tell my male readers exactly which store I'm talking about.  My secret.

Stop #2 was Best Buy to purchase the D-Link DSM-520 Media Lounge wireless media player.  Nothing makes this geek boy forget a stolen bicycle like a new geek toy.

Unlike my previous purchase of a similar device from Buffalo Tech (the official crappy electronics provider of the Communist Party), I am pleased to report that media player offering from D-Link actually works!  After only 20 minutes of setup I was on my sofa with a glass of whiskey and a sleeping pug dog listening to Miles Davis broadcast from my computer to my stereo (with album info appearing on my television).  It's going to be nice never having to burn CD's or DVD's again.

But electronics alone wasn't enough to make everything right.  Being the reckless speed demon I am, I still needed a bike.

Highly recommended among bicyclists and geeks and bike geeks is A Nearly New Shop on Broadway.  Here is a photo of my new bike being prepared.  It's an old Schwin completely rebuilt.  It performs terrific.  I can't say enough good things about this wonderful store and it's very friendly proprietors; so friendly, in fact, that it took me nearly two hours to get out of there.

By the time I got home it was too late to go running.  But it was still a great day, dispite the loss of my old bike.

To anyone else who experiences a loss, I recommend shopping therapy.  Works for me.

Photos.... and a Cautionary Tale

2006-09-21T10:24:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted any pictures to my blog, so here are a few random snapshots:

Sergio, me, Brian, Jay, and Jose at Twisted Spoke during the Cubs game we were supposed to be attending.  Our customer at work sold us some bad tickets, so we had to content ourselves with hearing the Cubs lose from various bars around Wrigleyville.

Hey, at least the food and alcohol was better than at the ballpark.

Mom and I protesting outside Marshall Fields

Jay enjoys a last stogie before departing Hopleaf for the long bike ride home.

The Peterson sisters Chris & Jeanne

Raymond enjoys Hennessey while Jay enjoys beef.

Here is a snapshot of my old studio apartment.  I now live in a larger space on the same floor of the same building, but I don't have any photos yet because I'm still unpacking.

pancake flight

Darryn and Alyx

Shea gets traced by Patrick for some new body art.

I'll be visiting the same shop in a couple of months to get my next tattoo.  (Interestingly, Patrick once studied under the Reverend Mad Jack, the same tattoo artist who did my current tattoo.  Small world!)

A Cautionary Tale for Runners:

By the way, a word of caution to all you runners out there: stretch your IT band!

Even if you don't suffer from IT Band Syndrome (or experience any other kind of muscle pain), stretching this important muscle in each leg is crucial. If you don't, and if you end up in physical therapy for an unrelated injury like I did, you may find that you will have your neglected IT band stretched for you, as I did yesterday. This was one of the most physically painful experiences of my life, and not one I would recommend.

My blood is now flowing with the toxins released from my stiff legs and 22 hours after my session I still feel like crap.

I'm going out to buy one of those foam rollers.